RIP Kay Rose

[King Bob]

My mom died yesterday. I was going to post but thought I'd give the day to Brian Dennehy. She had been declining since November; she was hospitalized for three bouts of pneumonia and came back weaker each time. After the last we put her on hospice care at the recommendation of her doctor, even though  it seemed a bit premature. Then last Monday I got a call that she had drastically declined and that we could come visit (end of life is the only reason they will allow visitors now). She was somewhat agitated/twitchy, her eyes were unfocused and she mumbled incoherently. Although at one point she grabbed both my hands, looked me right in the eyes and said "I love you." Then it was back to incoherence. As far as I know, that was her last lucid moment. She got a little worse each day until she was unconscious all the time.

I was glad she went before her dementia got too bad. She had gotten pretty pathetic anyway though.

For your future reference, if the doctor recommends hospice, do it even if it seems too early. It's covered by Medicare. You can avoid a useless last hospital stay, and they have their own doctors, so they can take over med management. They can also supply any needed medical equipment.

[Greg]

I'm sorry for your loss, KB. I hope you can find some solace in her passing.

[Drunk Monk]

Deepset condolences, Bob.  This must be especially trying right now.  I imagine there will not be a service. 

Let me know if there's anyway I can help.  

Take care.

[cranefly]

Condolences as well.

[King Bob]

Thanks to you all. Truthfully it's sort of a relief.

[Drunk Monk]

I understand. Same went for my dad in the end. 

That last 'I love you' was surely that end-of-life final moment of coherency.  You probably got the standard hospice literature. The lit I got spoke of that phenomena. I kind of blew it off after I read that, but then my dad did something similar, asking me 'how's it going?' near the end.  It was like one last moment of clarity. 

Burned some incense for your mom.  I've been sparing with my incense lately because I'm getting low and I've restricted myself to temple or sacred incense only, no hippie crap.  I was thinking I needed to make a pilgrimage soon when the SIP hit.  

If you need to chat, I'm at your service.

[King Bob]

Thank you very much DM.

I was a bit surprised by that with my mom, although I had heard of such things, but it must have been much more surprising with your dad. Hadn't he not spoken for a long time before that?

[Dr. Ivor Yeti]

I’m sorry for your pain, Bob. I also understand the feeling of relief, and end to the suffering, theirs and yours.

Peace, my friend.

[El Dingo]

Sorry Bob.

[King Bob]

Thanks.

[thatguy]

I'm late to read this. Sorry for your loss. Your mom was so sweet. I'm happy to have met her.

Be well!

--tg

[King Bob]

Thanks.

[Drunk Monk]

I was a bit surprised by that with my mom, although I had heard of such things, but it must have been much more surprising with your dad. Hadn't he not spoken for a long time before that?

Here's my post from that, just a few days before he passed. 

Yesterday, when I visited my dad, he said "Hi! How's it going?"  Blew me away as that's more than he's spoken to me in some time.  He was remarkably clear for the first 15 mins of my visit, responding quickly and enthusiastically to my questions and comments.  Then he slowly regressed to his normal asphasic state.

But still, it was an uncommonly good visit as he was more present than usual.  The sun was warm and the bunnies were stretched out in their hutch.  Visiting the nursing home is so draining.  My weekly ritual.

It was pretty weird and it's really my final memory of my dad. In retrospect now, 6 years later, it was the last blessing and I recall it with deep fondness.

So was there a service or anything for your mom, KB? This must have been so difficult during the pandemic.

[King Bob]

Her written instruction from way back when she was still lucid, just after my father died, was for no service, family only to put the urn in the niche next to my dad at her old church. We're doing that on the 16th. Right now she's sitting on the table at our house; we made a little shrine. I'm working on closing up all her accounts and have pretty much everything in order. Since the house was already sold it's pretty simple. I did get an eBook from Nolo press about handling a trust since I spoke with her lawyer and as the trustee I'm legally required to give written notice about the trust to the beneficiaries (just my brother and me), and I wasn't really clear on it, and was afraid there might be something else I needed to do. Luckily the trust lets us skip probate, which would be a shit show since the courts are closed.

[Drunk Monk]

Well that sounds relatively smooth overall. There's a blessing in that for sure.

Both of my parents are Neptune Society. My dad's ashes were spread on some flower garden in San Jose without ceremony. I don't know where that was. Maybe my mom does. Neither of us really wanted to visit that, as per his wishes.

I do love graveyards. One of the first dates for me and Stacy was prior to Halloween when we went through the Colma necropolis and made tombstone rubbings. But I have plenty of tranquil graves to visit if need be. Sifu Lam's is lovely. I've been thinking I should visit that lately because I haven't seen the tombstone yet. I should give an offering because he opened this martial path as a publisher. My grandparents are in the center of Punchbowl - the national cemetary that my grandad helped build - but that's on Oahu. I thought Greg's dad's gravesite was lovely.