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can i get off this ride now? i wanna get off.
so i spent like 4 hours on the phone to 3 people, a job feeler, a friend wanting to introduce me to someone local who probably doesn't have any job, and tara. actually i talked to gigi too but not for that long. i didn't get that much work done - i had hoped to fix my wordpress site, which i messed up last night but never got there and i didn't clean the bit of my room that i planned to clean, just vacuumed up some of this crazy daddy long leg burst we got at the bungalow over the last few days. i walked down to the beach alone to see the sunset. it was nice beautiful, that iridescent surf receding, and for a moment, there was a glimmer of peace.
then my phone pinged. a friend texted to tell me a mutual friend died. karla was an old deadhead rock med friend, someone i've known for maybe 30 years. i can't remember the last time i saw her - outside lands maybe? we'd cross paths at the bigger shows and keep in touch over facebook. her husband passed to cancer last year, and she was having a rough go alone. i don't know the cause yet. so much for that glimmer of peace...
i'm really looking forward to when there's no need to post on this thread anymore.
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You have definitely entered the giant "ugh" phase of your journey.
As a matter of fact, my anger does keep me warm
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day 58: i'll be tinkering with my wordpress site. i tried to get fancy with it - not that fancy really - just poaching a template off tara - and it all came askew. maybe i'll do some writing.
i have access to the kfm admin again so i might tinker in there too. there's a lot of housecleaning to do with the print mag shutdown. maybe patrick is up for some of it, but he's on the job search too so i don't want to press him. he's dealing with the same grief. he'd been at tc longer. he came to ca from nyc with just a backpack and landed the tc job in a week.
stacy is going to do some home clients including jennifer and her teen daughter so she'll be in si valley this afternoon.
Shadow boxing the apocalypse
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Today I would've been loading in for the Tiger Claw Elite Championship.
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That's the picture that just popped on my FB memory feed.
As a matter of fact, my anger does keep me warm
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05-15-2020, 09:58 AM
(This post was last modified: 05-15-2020, 10:00 AM by Drunk Monk.)
well, i got up, had breakfast, talked to stacy about finances, got sleepy and cold, and went back to bed. i had a fair night's sleep last night - midnite to 6:30 or so. the depression caught up to me again. i should get dressed and do something. or maybe today is a day for wallowing.
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Wallow outside? Sunny up here today. Good beach weather.
In the Tudor Period, Fencing Masters were classified in the Vagrancy Laws along with Actors, Gypsys, Vagabonds, Sturdy Rogues, and the owners of performing bears.
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it's nice here too.
maybe.
really what i need to do is get some work done. i need to work at getting work.
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Self-care is a legit part of the work.
In the Tudor Period, Fencing Masters were classified in the Vagrancy Laws along with Actors, Gypsys, Vagabonds, Sturdy Rogues, and the owners of performing bears.
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So today has gone a completely different direction.
I nibbled at KFM until I hit a wall, ended up calling Patrick for advice, and we groused and compared notes about what was going on for a long time until our conversation went to GoT, ST & SW. We're struggling to get our remote access back so we can get the website in some sort of shape post-mag-termination.
Then I had a call with that 'mover & shaker' who moved to the Cruz. He's pitching this self defense program which typically I wouldn't give much thought to but he's a political consultant and a non-profit money maker, so he may have bank for this very soon. Hard to tell if I'm being sold a load of goods but I'll be defensive.
The qi vampire called me back during that mover&shaker call. She didn't get the message I left, just my number, so she didn't know who it was. I'll call her back later, maybe after a snack.
Been getting random messages about Karla's passing too.
Still haven't got to my blog or KFM-file-extraction. I did manage to put a lanyard on my KFM-f-e memory stick, which proved to be rather difficult because the lanyard loop fixture was damn small - nothing would fit. I had to wire it and even that was tricky. Who the fuck makes a loop so tiny that nothing can hook into it?
Snack now. Some chips and guac and everything will be right for a few minutes.
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day 59 - i dunno, man. i should do some room cleaning today. i've been putting that off for...well 59 days.
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05-16-2020, 11:41 AM
(This post was last modified: 05-16-2020, 11:41 AM by Drunk Monk.)
Been noodling around with wordpress, trying to get my little blog going. I've been having formatting issues. I poached a theme from Tara that I like because it's stark (meant for B&W photography actually) but it washes out the text. So I've been shifting the text to goldenrod, which I like against the grey background, however I can't seem to access certain text blocks like the preview text on the home page and the subheading. It's frustrating because I know there's a little button somewhere that I need to flip, but I just can't find it. More frustrating is that I found it last night and fixed it, but that's not showing now.
Bill is working on the granny unit behind our bungalow so there's lots of sawing and nailed sounds.
I'm thinking I want to write today. I can put that cleaning off a little longer...
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i got a goodly chunk of writing off - both for kfm & my blog.
i gave up on that one function on my blog. it's the contact part annoyingly. i'll go live with it on monday maybe.
been a quiet saturday once construction ended.
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day 60: got some decent sleep without the aid of a nitecap or melatonin. went down early around 10, wokr around 1 for a moment, then slept until 5. now i'm still in bed, listening to the rain against my window. it's reminding me of this time last year when there was a crazy rainstorm during tcec & kftcd and our dragon crew outpost got flooded. i'm so glad that the physical reaction to getting let go has subsided. that was rough. i still get adrenaline surges and brain circus issues, but not as traumatically as a few days ago. stacy says it'll probably come and go in waves. i suspect she's right but right now, the seas are calm-ish.
today is laundry. there's also cleaning. that's a huge project that makes me depressed. i'm obligated to clean out my desk at work, which is a major task, so the notion of more cleaning here in my man cave is even more depressing. but it needs to be done. i need to organize and prepare.
i'll probably shore up my writings from yesterday and maybe even start uploading them. for kfm, patrick used to do the uploading. i have to take that over now. it's a clunky program, built especially for kfm by some friends of a former it, and there's a ton of workarounds that patrick sorted to make it go, but i'm not planning to get as fancy as he did. if tc wants that, they can bring patrick back. i'm keeping it simple.
whatever is living in our attic is terribly noisy scurrying about. it's probably squirrels.
i should try to get some moe sleep while it's still dark.
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i got even more sleep. must be the rain. i gotta get up now tho and get some breaky.
thank goodness i'm sleeping again. lack of sleep was making everything so much worse.
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