So a long time ago, in a suburb far, far away, DM & ED invested in The Dark Tower 1st editions. We were going to make a bundle. Mine is still wrapped in cellophane. Srsly. Which means, of course, I never read it. But now I've seen the movie.
Wow.
Just wow.
That was bad.
Unbelievably bad for something from King. Admittedly he wrote it under a pen name. I get why now.
For a moment, the kid protag had the 'shine,' and I thought, well cool, the Shining in a fantasy setting. But no, it doesn't exploit that, even though it's essentially the same thing only instead of redrum, it's this dark tower. Idris Elba is the Gunslinger, sort of Jedi Ronin with 6 shooters, that completely defies physics with every shot, painfully so. Matthew McConaughey is the villain with seemingly limitless magic powers - he's looking for his Lincoln I guess. He really looks and acts like he just walked out of one of those car commercials. Which explains a lot, actually. Katheryn Winnick from Wu Assassins is in it. She's the mom and didn't get a proper fight scene, so it was a waste of talent. There's portals to other dimensions, aliens with human masks, children in peril, the threat of multidimensional apocalypse, and a lot of crappy effects. Just dumb. Dumb from every angle.
There is some sword swinging. Not DOOM recommended. Although if we ever have another DOOM gathering, we could MST3K the crap out of this film and have a great time, assuming there was enough libations on board.
I still have that book. It's somewhere buried in my mom's house. Still wrapped in cellophane. I looked for it a few years ago when I needed some money. Didn't find it, but it's there, buried deep.
I will never read it.
Wow.
Just wow.
That was bad.
Unbelievably bad for something from King. Admittedly he wrote it under a pen name. I get why now.
For a moment, the kid protag had the 'shine,' and I thought, well cool, the Shining in a fantasy setting. But no, it doesn't exploit that, even though it's essentially the same thing only instead of redrum, it's this dark tower. Idris Elba is the Gunslinger, sort of Jedi Ronin with 6 shooters, that completely defies physics with every shot, painfully so. Matthew McConaughey is the villain with seemingly limitless magic powers - he's looking for his Lincoln I guess. He really looks and acts like he just walked out of one of those car commercials. Which explains a lot, actually. Katheryn Winnick from Wu Assassins is in it. She's the mom and didn't get a proper fight scene, so it was a waste of talent. There's portals to other dimensions, aliens with human masks, children in peril, the threat of multidimensional apocalypse, and a lot of crappy effects. Just dumb. Dumb from every angle.
There is some sword swinging. Not DOOM recommended. Although if we ever have another DOOM gathering, we could MST3K the crap out of this film and have a great time, assuming there was enough libations on board.
I still have that book. It's somewhere buried in my mom's house. Still wrapped in cellophane. I looked for it a few years ago when I needed some money. Didn't find it, but it's there, buried deep.
I will never read it.
Shadow boxing the apocalypse