I'm more broken than you

[Greg]

Woohoo! It's colonoscopy week! I'll be spending all day Wednesday on the toilet after drinking a gallon of warm spit. On Thursday, they drill.

It surely brings the curtain down on any leftover vacation glow.

[Drunk Monk]

I still have not had the...pleasure?  

Stacy did one recently.  She did it without any anesthesia.

[Greg]

Isn't that the woman who left us in the dust on the trails of Yosemite.

I have finished my gallon of warm spit. Three hours until the probe commences. I have eaten my Gas-X pills which reminded of those chalky little after dinner mints.

My favorite part of drinking the poop drug was the instructions that I was supposed to drink 8ounce glasses until I had drunk 2 liters. Seriously? Math problems?

[King Bob]

I thought it tasted like watery Gatorade with a little salt. Drinking that much liquid quickly made me a little sick to my stomach.

My instructions were ridiculous too. It said to drink 8 ounces every 15-30 minutes, but to finish drinking half a gallon in two hours - which means every 15 minutes.

[Greg]

It felt like really thick water. That's what the instructions came down to for me as well, drink a half gallon in two hours. They just through 2 liters in because they are morons.

They also had me starting mine a little late, too close to bed time so it was tenuous idea whether I should go to bed when I could still have an eruption.

I did have a little trepidation going in. It's never good knowing you are going to be unconscious in a little bit in other's people's control. I don't like that. Although, they did have a cello player in the waiting room to lull us with her playing.

The surgery went fine. I actually woke up half way through and got to see the visuals of the camera going through the colon on the TV next to my head. I don't know if that was the plan or not. And actually, the visuals seem a bit hazy at the moment. I'm having hard time bringing them into focus. I remember clearly them removing the IV and pulling off the oxygen feeder from underneath my nose. I remember the ride back to post-op, as well.

Here's another tip. Don't go right to the grocery store from the surgery no matter how hungry you are. I bought way too much junk food in my altered condition. I'm guessing it's akin to having the munchies. Anyway, I currently have plenty of bad food I don't have a desire to eat.

To recap: no polyps. They will see me again in seven years.

[Greg]

Update. I was talking with the Queen when we were doing our weekly grocery shopping and she asked when I was going to start the high-fiber diet the doctor suggested to prevent getting diverticulitis.

When did the doctor say that?

The Queen gave me the are you kidding look? She explained the doctor had come to my bedside in post-op and given me the run down on my colonoscopy. I gave her the blank stare. I didn't remember the doctor talking to me at all.

I guess I wasn't as lucid post-op as I thought.

In other news, the propofal dreams I've been havingfor the last couple of nights have been off the charts.

[Drunk Monk]

I guess I wasn't as lucid post-op as I thought.

In other news, the propofal dreams I've been havingfor the last couple of nights have been off the charts.

drugs r fun!

um, can we stop talking about your ass now?  or rather what's inside it?  

and eat your damn ruffage.  it'll keep you regular.  

a nice high colonic wouldn't hurt either... much.

[The Queen]

I’m feeling pretty old and decrepit these days. No matter what shoes I wear: new ones, old ones, running shoes, trail shoes: anything other than my bedroom slippers: they pinch my right ankle and make walking uncomfortable. I can make them stop pinching by adding a second insole, one below my orthopedic insert, but I think doing that may have screwed up something in my back, because my lower back has been announcing its presence with authority. Feels like someone’s been kicking me in the left kidney. And then there’s the ophthalmologic migraines: not really all that painful, just the “auras” that make it impossible to see. BTW, “auras” is a terrible word to describe that phenomenon; it’s not a glow or an extension of something that’s already there; there’s just a flash and then boom, a point of light, totally independent of anything else turns into a slowly expanding and constantly in motion fractal with a glowing border blotting out a portion of my viewing area. So much fun. Ah, well. That which does not kill me, right?

[Drunk Monk]

Have you tried crocs?  

Just kidding.

I just got some new kicks.  I had a refund debit card from ATT, some credit at the Sockshop, and some petty cash, enough to get a sweet pair of Keens. Crazy rugged soles, goretex uppers (waterproof), grey with gold lacings and high reflective trim. They fit perfectly. I love them.  They make me so happy.  

For a structural issue (right ankle affecting left kidney), chiro or some other type of body work, plus yoga.  Do you do anything like that TQ?

As for ophthalmic issue, I know a good eye medicine, mostly for glaucoma.  It's even legal now.  Ah who am I kidding?  My eyes are dimming at an alarming rate and I've used said medicine since high school - although I think I'm the last DOOMer to need glasses.

[Dr. Ivor Yeti]

That sounds like the visual migraines that I used to get when I was in my 20’s/30’s and only get a couple times/year now. “Sparkly fog” is how I describe it.

In my 40’s I traded sparkly fog for nausea with my migraines.

[Drunk Monk]

a sweet pair of Keens. 

Oh WTH?  This morning my sitonmyfacebook & gram is chock full of KEEN ads.  

My social media is more broken than yours.  

[King Bob]

My better looking shoes hurt my feet by the end of the work day, so I pretty much wear my Skechers all the time now. But I got them in solid grey with minimal logos so they look sort of like Allbirds - several people actually thought they were. I'm not crazy about the memory foam insole, because it's bouncy at first, but it compresses after a while and is better. And I just discovered at the Employee Benefits Fair that Kaiser has a program where you can get a discount on your Skechers, so I'm getting more.

[Drunk Monk]

Do we need a DOOM shoes thread?  


I mean apart from all the ones that the spambots keep posting.

[King Bob]

If you prefer, we could talk about our hearing loss...

[Drunk Monk]

What? 

Anything is better than Greg’s colonoscopy