Who is this guy?

[cranefly]

Bard Surrey.

Singing cowboy who rides a donkey.

[cranefly]

Sombrero Bruja -- a shoe salesman who keeps breaking into private bulletin boards using his magical hat.

[Drunk Monk]

GroverNoah - the sound cf makes during his dental work when he’s trying to say ‘go fuck ... noooooo!’ and then passes out from the novacaine surge.

Sombrero Bruja -- a shoe salesman who keeps breaking into private bulletin boards using his magical hat.

Funny but that's the topic, not the author.  Novacaine much?

[cranefly]

Sombrero Bruja -- a shoe salesman who keeps breaking into private bulletin boards using his magical hat.

Funny but that's the topic, not the author.  Novacaine much?

Crap.  Must be addicted.  Need my GoT fix.  No, wait.  That's your DoC (drug of choice).
Tomorrow the eye doctor.  Must remember to bring my eyes.

[Drunk Monk]

saisystem - an American Ninja that wears a red headband over a mullet with a sleeveless camo ninja gi, and thinks you can stab a perp with a blunt sai as easily as with an ice pick.

[Drunk Monk]

milindpawar - Not a person but a one-hit wonder Bollywood song from a movie of the same title.  

The chorus went something like:
Acha! Acha! Acha!
Ooooh Milindpawar.  Milind.  Milind. PAWAR!

Today is one-hit wonder day according to the radio.

[Drunk Monk]

jacobamelia - male-to-female transexual in transition, spamming to pay for estrogen shots.  transition is not going well.  oooh those mood swings.  as hormones go, estrogen is a bitch.

[Drunk Monk]

Jakeslessor

It should be Jake's_lessor but apostrophes don't compute in spambot names.  It was a failed attempt by a fine pizza provided to get into the knock-off adiddas biz.

[Greg]

At first I thought Jack Tu was trying to sell us shoes.

[Drunk Monk]

laticiagibson

William's half sister.  Half sister, half cyborg.  Unfortunately she got her implants prior to William's success, so they were on a budget, orbital monitor from Kmart, cochlear implants from CVS, and so on, thus inspiring her brother to write.  But she never got a cut of his royalties and now has to resort to selling knock-off shoes. She's still bitter.

[Drunk Monk]

kalesanddep

a failed comedic duo in the tradition of harold and kumar, only instead of stoners, it's vegans.  yup.  not funny.  try selling knock-off shoes for a living.

[cranefly]

AugustineEmma -- Cleopatra's better, back in the day.  Julius Caesar actually favored her, but Cleopatra had her erased from the history books.

[Drunk Monk]

evolutionmedspa

a sense-dep floatation center that uses cbd-infused water.  they also offer henna, eyebrow threading and reiki.  oh, and chinese knock-off shoes.

[Drunk Monk]

sagaryadev

Sergeant Gary A Dav

The mirror image universe cf who always packs two agonizers, one for his privates (as in lower ranking officers) and one for his privates. 

Or the cf doppleganger in India who answers when you call for tech service and just blathers on in a non-euclidean way for half an hour before asking if you've turned it off and on again.

[cranefly]

Keith Hope -- Bob Hope's illegitimate gray parrot.

Sorry.  That's all I got...