03-01-2009, 11:34 AM
The small indoor set-top antenna just isn't doing it. The stations keep freezing in Tetris patterns. I could buy an exterior antenna and put it up, but in this economy I'm not buying anything. Still, what's to stop me from mounting the indoor antenna outdoors?
A short coax cable, that's what. It runs from the antenna to the converter box, with another short one to the TV. Like I said, I'm not buying anything in this economy. Still, I have a long extension cord. So it'll all work out if I put the TV on the roof.
Getting it up there is the problem. All I've got is a stepladder. I've gotten onto the roof using the stepladder before, to clean the gutters, but it's a dicey enterprise. I always end up doing the splits, with everything teetering. But to carry my big TV up the stepladder and somehow leverage it onto the rooftop-- I'm not an idiot, okay?
So I build a catapult.
Catapults certainly are popular. The Web is filled with plans. I suppose it's that SCA thing. So I build a catapult and it doesn't take long. I put it in the backyard near the snow peas, under a tarp. I do most of the work at night. The fewer people who know about it, the better. It probably requires a permit. I spend an hour going up and down the stepladder, carrying up blankets, pillows, sofa pads, coats, jackets -- building a big "mattress" up there. Then comes the tricky part. I need to get the range just right. I'll only get one crack at this. So I decide on a practice run. I fill a big burlap bag with dirt until it matches the TV's weight. At three in the morning I put it in the cradle, do a Cape Canaveral countdown, and launch. Silence. Then an awful crashing sound. Fortunately it doesn't come from my house. I quickly cover the catapult and go to bed, though I have trouble sleeping with all the sirens.
The next day the news is all about airlines dumping trash. I find out I hit a house three doors down. That gives me a data point. I get out my ruler and carefully measure along the sidewalk from their house to mine. 108.5 feet. I only needed 18.35 feet. I do the math and relax the twisted skein of cord accordingly.
That night, at 3 am, I'm ready again. This time I've got live ammo. The TV sits in the cradle. I do another countdown -- interrupted twice when cars drive by -- then launch. There's a muffled thud, and by the light of the moon I see the TV flop off the pile of padding and skid down the roof. I cringe, but it stops at the last second, overhanging the gutter.
I've got a TV on the roof. It's up there. The rest will be easy.
A short coax cable, that's what. It runs from the antenna to the converter box, with another short one to the TV. Like I said, I'm not buying anything in this economy. Still, I have a long extension cord. So it'll all work out if I put the TV on the roof.
Getting it up there is the problem. All I've got is a stepladder. I've gotten onto the roof using the stepladder before, to clean the gutters, but it's a dicey enterprise. I always end up doing the splits, with everything teetering. But to carry my big TV up the stepladder and somehow leverage it onto the rooftop-- I'm not an idiot, okay?
So I build a catapult.
Catapults certainly are popular. The Web is filled with plans. I suppose it's that SCA thing. So I build a catapult and it doesn't take long. I put it in the backyard near the snow peas, under a tarp. I do most of the work at night. The fewer people who know about it, the better. It probably requires a permit. I spend an hour going up and down the stepladder, carrying up blankets, pillows, sofa pads, coats, jackets -- building a big "mattress" up there. Then comes the tricky part. I need to get the range just right. I'll only get one crack at this. So I decide on a practice run. I fill a big burlap bag with dirt until it matches the TV's weight. At three in the morning I put it in the cradle, do a Cape Canaveral countdown, and launch. Silence. Then an awful crashing sound. Fortunately it doesn't come from my house. I quickly cover the catapult and go to bed, though I have trouble sleeping with all the sirens.
The next day the news is all about airlines dumping trash. I find out I hit a house three doors down. That gives me a data point. I get out my ruler and carefully measure along the sidewalk from their house to mine. 108.5 feet. I only needed 18.35 feet. I do the math and relax the twisted skein of cord accordingly.
That night, at 3 am, I'm ready again. This time I've got live ammo. The TV sits in the cradle. I do another countdown -- interrupted twice when cars drive by -- then launch. There's a muffled thud, and by the light of the moon I see the TV flop off the pile of padding and skid down the roof. I cringe, but it stops at the last second, overhanging the gutter.
I've got a TV on the roof. It's up there. The rest will be easy.