01-05-2006, 02:00 AM
Ever meet yourself?
I did. Once.
Back in '79. I was living in Phoenixville Pennsylvania. That's the hometown of Alice Cooper, if anyone's keeping track. Anyway, I was in this department store shopping for who knows what, and suddenly I saw him. He had just entered the store and was moving through the racks. I only caught a glimpse of him, but that was enough. He looked just like me.
The next thing I knew I was out on the street. I had veered sharply left and exited the store. I felt faint, and my heart was pounding. I was royally freaked. And I wasn't certain why.
I mean, clones. They're the future. I accept that. I have no problem with that. But when you actually run into yourself, suddenly it gets very personal.
Do I have a phobia?
Fast forward to a couple months ago. I'm eating lunch with a good friend. Her name's Hao. I've known her and her kids for over twenty years. And they know me really well. I mean, they've seen me in my unguarded moments, if you know what I mean. When I'm goofing off, talking to myself, whatever. Anyway, Hao starts telling me that she and her kids just watched Napoleon Dynamite, and they got to laughing so hard. Because it was me. They saw me in everything he did. His speech patterns, gestures -- just his whole attitude and reaction to things. She told me I had to see it. In fact, she wanted to drive us straight over to the library where she had checked it out, to see if it was available. I told her I was very busy at the moment, and later I'd look into it.
Faint, heart pounding. It was happening again. I just didn't want to watch "me" on the big screen. Or even the little screen. The heebie-geebies.
And no, I never did check out Napoleon Dynamite. And yeah, I'll be catching flack for this non-review. Oh well. Just thought I'd try to explain why I haven't watched it.
So then earlier today I get a package in the mail. It's addressed to cranefly. The return address is Doom South. Well, I tear that sucker open, all excited, and then I just freeze. Because it's some sort of Napoleon Dynamite keychain thingy.
The next thing I know, I'm in the car. Lady Cranefly has packed me in, is about to head to the emergency room. Because I'm incommunicado. Well, I snap out of it enough to call off the trip, explaining to her that it was just a mild case of morbid terror. And I've recovered now. Some.
I do intend to see Napoleon Dynamite. Someday. I just need a lot of desensitivation sessions first.
And I do intend to open the keychain package. In a day or two. By the end of the week. No later than the end of the month, okay?
I just need a little time, you know...
--cranefly
I did. Once.
Back in '79. I was living in Phoenixville Pennsylvania. That's the hometown of Alice Cooper, if anyone's keeping track. Anyway, I was in this department store shopping for who knows what, and suddenly I saw him. He had just entered the store and was moving through the racks. I only caught a glimpse of him, but that was enough. He looked just like me.
The next thing I knew I was out on the street. I had veered sharply left and exited the store. I felt faint, and my heart was pounding. I was royally freaked. And I wasn't certain why.
I mean, clones. They're the future. I accept that. I have no problem with that. But when you actually run into yourself, suddenly it gets very personal.
Do I have a phobia?
Fast forward to a couple months ago. I'm eating lunch with a good friend. Her name's Hao. I've known her and her kids for over twenty years. And they know me really well. I mean, they've seen me in my unguarded moments, if you know what I mean. When I'm goofing off, talking to myself, whatever. Anyway, Hao starts telling me that she and her kids just watched Napoleon Dynamite, and they got to laughing so hard. Because it was me. They saw me in everything he did. His speech patterns, gestures -- just his whole attitude and reaction to things. She told me I had to see it. In fact, she wanted to drive us straight over to the library where she had checked it out, to see if it was available. I told her I was very busy at the moment, and later I'd look into it.
Faint, heart pounding. It was happening again. I just didn't want to watch "me" on the big screen. Or even the little screen. The heebie-geebies.
And no, I never did check out Napoleon Dynamite. And yeah, I'll be catching flack for this non-review. Oh well. Just thought I'd try to explain why I haven't watched it.
So then earlier today I get a package in the mail. It's addressed to cranefly. The return address is Doom South. Well, I tear that sucker open, all excited, and then I just freeze. Because it's some sort of Napoleon Dynamite keychain thingy.
The next thing I know, I'm in the car. Lady Cranefly has packed me in, is about to head to the emergency room. Because I'm incommunicado. Well, I snap out of it enough to call off the trip, explaining to her that it was just a mild case of morbid terror. And I've recovered now. Some.
I do intend to see Napoleon Dynamite. Someday. I just need a lot of desensitivation sessions first.
And I do intend to open the keychain package. In a day or two. By the end of the week. No later than the end of the month, okay?
I just need a little time, you know...
--cranefly