G.I. Joe

[Drunk Monk]

Rise of the Cobra. 

Gonna see a screener tomorrow, so I did my homework and reviewed part one.  Here are my notes:

Channing = top of the list for actor-who-shoulda-got-his-butt-whupped-by-Cung.  He had GI Joe's signature facial scar but looked far too wimpy for the role, at least based on the original doll.  I would have preferred someone more grizzled like Max Martini

Acting: This is based on a cartoon based on a plastic doll.  The acting is fine for that. 

Lots of explosions.  An orgy of explosions.  I remember playing with GI Joes when I was a kid and blew them all up with firecrackers in the end.  I think that's the proper way to stop playing with dolls.

Incomprehensible level of collateral damage - the toll on innocent bystanders would be astronomical, but that's never really addressed. 

There are sword fights - ninja sword fights no less.  No Bollywood.  Can't remember if there was blood spitting - too many explosions made me forget. 

Iron Man/Clone Wars vibe.  Hot girls, ninjas and explosions.  What's not to like? 

Looking forward to 3D shuriken.  If you are into cheeseiness like me, the cheese factor for a ninja throwing shuriken at you alongside hot girls from an explosion in 3D has entertainment value.

Wow part 1 was dumb. Retaliation was so much better, which is more of a statement on how dumb Rise of Cobra was. Usually it goes the other way with sequels.

I don't care for Tatum here. He's not thick enough. My G I Joes where more broad faced. The film is so cliche - it's a Star Wars wannabe with dogfights and cockpit guns, and a wish-it-was-epic sword fight in a lightning silo - that plus Iron Man with the Joe suits.  Ray has a padded ninja suit which he doesn't need - the foam muscles look smaller than his real guns. But at least he busts a butterfly twist over a lightning bolt in his sword-fight, so my 2.5 hours and iTunes rental fee will give me half a sentence maybe...

Well, if this thread is correct, I've watched Rise of the Cobra twice already - once in 2013 when launching this thread and prepping to review Retaliation, and again in 2016 for something else I must have written but I can't remember what that was now. Oh I remember - Ray Park's cover story.

I just watched it again because I couldn't remember much from it beyond the chase scene through streets of Paris. That was improved after having been to Paris. It was nice to see that it moved semi-accurately from the Arc de Triomphe, parallel to the Seine, past Notre Dame, and on to the Eiffel Tower. But that was it. That was all I remembered. After watching it for the third time, I'll probably forget most of it again. It's exhausting to remember all those explosions. 

That being said, I'm glad of my third review because I forgot that Rise detailed the origin story of the Snake Eyes/Storm Shadow feud. It doesn't look anything like what's coming for Snake Eyes. The Rise Snake Eyes is white - that was Ray but even the kid version is white. Wiki tells me he was white in the comics and the cartoon.

Rise also fleshes out the backstory of the Baroness, which will be completely overshadowed by Ursula's take on it because Ursula will own Sienna Miller's take on the character. 

I should watch Retaliation again too because all I remember was that ninja cliff fight and that there were more ninjas...and ninjettes. Luv dem ninjettes. But I can't find a free version and I'm not going to dig for that too deeply.  I reread my review. That helped a little. 

"Move with the wind, and you will never be heard." - Snake Eyes.