10-03-2020, 09:34 PM
Hold the phone. You have a shirt autographed by Tim Leary? Dude...
I think I've heard all the Tremors stories already. That's a fun chapter tho. Some great stories.
I do like your voice throughout most of this. You'd think I'd be tired of it by now, but you're memories are solid and your self-effacing attitude as you learn lessons on your journey gives this all a necessary humility.
Personally, I'd combine more of your paragraphs together instead of making those short few sentence paragraphs for dramatic emphasis, but that's an artifact of laying out a magazine for 20 years. The space between paragraphs is wasted real estate, especially when your trying pack the mag full of ads. Nevertheless, you have a very readable tone overall.
I'll give you my Bubba schpeal, something I told many of my more sophisticated freelancers. Write for Bubba, who don't know crap. Everything needs 'splainin'. So don't just say 'Burt Ward'. Drop that name and add 'who played Robin on TV' or something to that effect. Never assume your reader knows as much as you do. If they did, they would've written this.
I stopped after Last Action Hero tonight. You know, I still have the lid you gave me from that. It's at my mom's house, over the headboard in my room. It's covered in dust. I keep meaning to wash it.
I think I've heard all the Tremors stories already. That's a fun chapter tho. Some great stories.
I do like your voice throughout most of this. You'd think I'd be tired of it by now, but you're memories are solid and your self-effacing attitude as you learn lessons on your journey gives this all a necessary humility.
Personally, I'd combine more of your paragraphs together instead of making those short few sentence paragraphs for dramatic emphasis, but that's an artifact of laying out a magazine for 20 years. The space between paragraphs is wasted real estate, especially when your trying pack the mag full of ads. Nevertheless, you have a very readable tone overall.
I'll give you my Bubba schpeal, something I told many of my more sophisticated freelancers. Write for Bubba, who don't know crap. Everything needs 'splainin'. So don't just say 'Burt Ward'. Drop that name and add 'who played Robin on TV' or something to that effect. Never assume your reader knows as much as you do. If they did, they would've written this.
I stopped after Last Action Hero tonight. You know, I still have the lid you gave me from that. It's at my mom's house, over the headboard in my room. It's covered in dust. I keep meaning to wash it.
Shadow boxing the apocalypse