05-28-2019, 07:44 PM
It's been hard coming back from Cali Roots. I'm already grumpy from exhaustion. My mom complained about one caretaker because she couldn't make her 7am demands and has characterized her as not so bright, even though she's the best one at communicating with us and uses our notebook extensively. So we moved to replace her, but we're left empty for this weekend, so I have to stay here. I'm not happy about that at all. Today she kept asking what was happening on the calendar because it was incomplete due to the switch. She got really confused and denied wanting to replace that caretaker, then acknowledged it after I explained it to her. She started holding her head and saying she could not think clearly. Very, very frustrating. We haven't been able to replace that caretaker yet. So once again, the schedule is in flux.
On top of that, she's had really bad back cramps. It's making her gasp and moan like before her surgery, which is now a trigger for me. I get so angry about that, about this whole fucked up situation. She was improving but now the pain has put her back in bed. I keep asking if it feels like the pain she had before but she can't seem to explain it satisfactorily. She says she thinks it's cramps due to the detox, but I wonder if that idea is something i put in her head with her earlier achy pain and nausea.
Stacy and I had a fleeting chat this morning as she arrived to take over and I went to work. We think we can sustain this for one more month. After that, I'm not sure what happens. Maybe we'll have to move her to a care center. It's hard to tell where she's at really. She puts on a better face for guests, even for Stacy. But for me, she's deeply opioid brained.
For the last two weeks, I've been home only about 10 hours or so. And I won't get back home until the weekend after next. I spend a lot of time texting friends and surfing facebook. It's distracting.
And now, I'm shifting gears for Dead & Co.
On top of that, she's had really bad back cramps. It's making her gasp and moan like before her surgery, which is now a trigger for me. I get so angry about that, about this whole fucked up situation. She was improving but now the pain has put her back in bed. I keep asking if it feels like the pain she had before but she can't seem to explain it satisfactorily. She says she thinks it's cramps due to the detox, but I wonder if that idea is something i put in her head with her earlier achy pain and nausea.
Stacy and I had a fleeting chat this morning as she arrived to take over and I went to work. We think we can sustain this for one more month. After that, I'm not sure what happens. Maybe we'll have to move her to a care center. It's hard to tell where she's at really. She puts on a better face for guests, even for Stacy. But for me, she's deeply opioid brained.
For the last two weeks, I've been home only about 10 hours or so. And I won't get back home until the weekend after next. I spend a lot of time texting friends and surfing facebook. It's distracting.
And now, I'm shifting gears for Dead & Co.
Shadow boxing the apocalypse