07-05-2006, 11:30 AM
There's nacho cheese and then there's ranch dressing. For some reason, some one left one of those industrial jugs of ranch dressing at the tent table at OzzFest. There was no salad in sight, so DM figured it was a nacho cheese substitute. It actually works better for OzzFest, since it has that white trailer trash quality so associatable with ranch dressing. Raunch dressing - 'nuf said. Some one also left a box of glazed donuts, which a friend wound up munching late into the night. Dm kept telling him to dip the donuts in the ranch dressing "2 great tastes!" but he wouldn't bite. That was just a little too Homer Simpson, even for him (but DM could tell he was tempted).
About 100 intakes, 60 some incidents, 4 rolls or so. Aaaahhh, OzzFest. Quite a culture shock after SNWMF, let me tell you. There was this dude who was working the tour - his job was to let people kick a soccer ball into his head from about 20 ft. They could win CDs and shirts. Most were too drunk
to get anywhere near him. There was a booth called "i love vagina" (see http://www.ilovevagina.com/ NSFW obviously) and another booth selling glow-in-the-dark thongs with all sorts of rude funny statements
like 'it won't lick itself' and 'i'm the boss. i have the pussy'. There was the
ubiquitous air-brush your titties booth, and DM estimates some two dozen, err, a dozen takers, maybe more. One or two nice pairs but mostly nasty. One obvious silicon-job sunbathed her airbrush goods before the tent all afternoon - they stood perfectly sculpted, like marble, unflinchingly hard as implants can be. It was impossible not to ogle, despite the augmentation - she was clearly very proud of the job and rightly so.
The best OzzFest moment came as DM was wandering over the bridge. A young raunchette had a t-shit on that said 'french kiss me. it's my
23rd birthday.' Another raunchette, a hot one, with airbrushed titties, took her up on that and the two did a prolonged exchange that was quite arousing. A few more steps would have DM face-to-face with a 50-ish obese airbrushed tit ogre woman screeching 'get away from me!' in a drunken stupor to nobody in particular.
Lots of piss, blood and vomit, quite typical for OzzFest really.
Ozzy went on at 4PM on the side stage, and he's become nothing more than a lounge act - last year he impressed me with War Pigs. This year it was all "thank yew mountain view!" He was peppy, moving quite well for a man of his scar tissue, but musically uninspired. Didn't really tune into the rest of the acts. A lot of newbie volunteers wanted to check them out, so DM dutifully manned the tent and bemoaned his age with other older RM vets. It was DM's first shoreline show of the season, an odd one to open. DM came home with some swag - a cloth Jagermeister frizbee and a LED Corona necklace. Prolly not the best to share with the kid. Could've brought home that jug of ranch too. Mmm, ranch.
About 100 intakes, 60 some incidents, 4 rolls or so. Aaaahhh, OzzFest. Quite a culture shock after SNWMF, let me tell you. There was this dude who was working the tour - his job was to let people kick a soccer ball into his head from about 20 ft. They could win CDs and shirts. Most were too drunk
to get anywhere near him. There was a booth called "i love vagina" (see http://www.ilovevagina.com/ NSFW obviously) and another booth selling glow-in-the-dark thongs with all sorts of rude funny statements
like 'it won't lick itself' and 'i'm the boss. i have the pussy'. There was the
ubiquitous air-brush your titties booth, and DM estimates some two dozen, err, a dozen takers, maybe more. One or two nice pairs but mostly nasty. One obvious silicon-job sunbathed her airbrush goods before the tent all afternoon - they stood perfectly sculpted, like marble, unflinchingly hard as implants can be. It was impossible not to ogle, despite the augmentation - she was clearly very proud of the job and rightly so.
The best OzzFest moment came as DM was wandering over the bridge. A young raunchette had a t-shit on that said 'french kiss me. it's my
23rd birthday.' Another raunchette, a hot one, with airbrushed titties, took her up on that and the two did a prolonged exchange that was quite arousing. A few more steps would have DM face-to-face with a 50-ish obese airbrushed tit ogre woman screeching 'get away from me!' in a drunken stupor to nobody in particular.
Lots of piss, blood and vomit, quite typical for OzzFest really.
Ozzy went on at 4PM on the side stage, and he's become nothing more than a lounge act - last year he impressed me with War Pigs. This year it was all "thank yew mountain view!" He was peppy, moving quite well for a man of his scar tissue, but musically uninspired. Didn't really tune into the rest of the acts. A lot of newbie volunteers wanted to check them out, so DM dutifully manned the tent and bemoaned his age with other older RM vets. It was DM's first shoreline show of the season, an odd one to open. DM came home with some swag - a cloth Jagermeister frizbee and a LED Corona necklace. Prolly not the best to share with the kid. Could've brought home that jug of ranch too. Mmm, ranch.
Shadow boxing the apocalypse