11-07-2015, 05:45 PM
So I've been warming up for this for months. Been watching old Bond flicks as they have been becoming available on Hulu and other platforms, just for review. My family was into it (sort of) and so we went to get tickets but only front row was available. Now my family is into seeing it, so I will wait, but we shant have an opportunity for several weeks. Dammit.
Anyway, I'll review my review.
All of the old Sean movies are more awesome than ever. I have rewatched them all in the past two months, except for Never Say Never Again. Sean was Bond. Craig, yeah, whatev. He's good, but he still can't touch what Sean had. Each Sean film is a masterpiece, despite its blatant racism, sexism, alcoholism, and nicotineism. What really impresses me now about these is that they are all analog - no CGI, real explosions, real car chases, real huge sets, real stunts. I will watch any Sean Bond film any time again.
I've reconsidered On Her Majesty's Secret Service, the lone Lazenby flick. Sean was an impossible act to follow. Lazenby is portraying a 'softer Bond' in sweaters no less. He can't fight, throwing wild haymakers in one-shot-one-move fights. He struggles with the role, but sells the final tragic scene, so there's some redemption there. I'm mean it's Emma Peal, right? Marrying Mrs. Peal? OMG! That's the ultimate spy nerd fantasy. Kojak is unable to sell Blofeld either, even without earlobes. The best thing about Lazenby was Stoner - see <!-- l --><a class="postlink-local" href="http://brotherhoodofdoom.com/phpBB3/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=3333&p=19956">viewtopic.php?f=6&t=3333&p=19956</a><!-- l -->
Then there's Roger. Man, he sucks. Turned Bond into a goddamn fop. What pisses me off most about Roger is that he was in two of my favorite Bond films, Man with the Golden Gun and Live and Let Die. I tried watching View to a Kill last night, eager to rewatch the destruction of Si Valley, and I just couldn't make it and had to bail with only a half hour to go. That film is so horrible. I mean, Walken is good. Grace Jones is good (one of Jamaica's weirdest exports) but her falling for Roger just doesn't fly with me. Fiona Fullerton, possibly my first cinematic crush from when she played Alice in Wonderland is good and I'm grateful she doesn't get bedded by Roger. But Tanya, she was the ditzyest of the Angels and she's horrible. And Steed playing second to Roger? That's just wrong, man, so goddamn wrong. Plus this film is horribly dated by the tech and the music. Bond through the years serves as such a postcard of coolness and the 80s just weren't that cool. Roger uses a Sharper Image card to open a locked door. Q shows of a bazooka ghettoblaster. There's one of those old square Apple computers. Roger fills a Japantown hot tub with bubble bath. And the music - Duran Duran - ouch (there's some Pretenders tracks mixed in there but you don't notice them unless you are really listening hard). Roger ruined Bond.
Dalton, well, I started watching The Living Daylights and just couldn't make it. A-Ha did the soundtrack and yes, I've apologized to Tara for dissing the new SPECTRE song repeatedly. I remember liking Dalton back in the day, probably just because it was an escape from Roger, but his version of Bond hasn't aged well. Hulu crashed on me and I was grateful. Maybe I'll finish it, just to see it through. Maybe I'll finish VtaK. Maybe I'll try Moonraker. Maybe I'll just stick sriracha-soaked forks in my eyes.
Haven't got to Brosnan yet. He was always weird for me as he started as a Bond caricature for TV and then became Bond. WTH?
It's funny, my memory of these movies are so shiny. Now I'm wondering how Bond managed to survive a half century. I say he's still riding on Sean's coattails.
My family knows I'm disappointed about getting shut out of SPECTRE so they have said they will watch Goldfinger with me tonight. Tara has only seen You Only Live Twice and Skyfall. Stacy suggested we go for Suffragette, but the timing of the showing doesn't work with her work schedule. I LUV Goldfinger. I saw it again about a month ago and was just glued to the screen. The finale fight with Oddjob is brilliant with its sustained level of tension and action. One of the top Bond songs, top Bond villains, and the real Bond.
:prayer: Sean Connery!
OK, end of rant.
Anyway, I'll review my review.
All of the old Sean movies are more awesome than ever. I have rewatched them all in the past two months, except for Never Say Never Again. Sean was Bond. Craig, yeah, whatev. He's good, but he still can't touch what Sean had. Each Sean film is a masterpiece, despite its blatant racism, sexism, alcoholism, and nicotineism. What really impresses me now about these is that they are all analog - no CGI, real explosions, real car chases, real huge sets, real stunts. I will watch any Sean Bond film any time again.
I've reconsidered On Her Majesty's Secret Service, the lone Lazenby flick. Sean was an impossible act to follow. Lazenby is portraying a 'softer Bond' in sweaters no less. He can't fight, throwing wild haymakers in one-shot-one-move fights. He struggles with the role, but sells the final tragic scene, so there's some redemption there. I'm mean it's Emma Peal, right? Marrying Mrs. Peal? OMG! That's the ultimate spy nerd fantasy. Kojak is unable to sell Blofeld either, even without earlobes. The best thing about Lazenby was Stoner - see <!-- l --><a class="postlink-local" href="http://brotherhoodofdoom.com/phpBB3/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=3333&p=19956">viewtopic.php?f=6&t=3333&p=19956</a><!-- l -->
Then there's Roger. Man, he sucks. Turned Bond into a goddamn fop. What pisses me off most about Roger is that he was in two of my favorite Bond films, Man with the Golden Gun and Live and Let Die. I tried watching View to a Kill last night, eager to rewatch the destruction of Si Valley, and I just couldn't make it and had to bail with only a half hour to go. That film is so horrible. I mean, Walken is good. Grace Jones is good (one of Jamaica's weirdest exports) but her falling for Roger just doesn't fly with me. Fiona Fullerton, possibly my first cinematic crush from when she played Alice in Wonderland is good and I'm grateful she doesn't get bedded by Roger. But Tanya, she was the ditzyest of the Angels and she's horrible. And Steed playing second to Roger? That's just wrong, man, so goddamn wrong. Plus this film is horribly dated by the tech and the music. Bond through the years serves as such a postcard of coolness and the 80s just weren't that cool. Roger uses a Sharper Image card to open a locked door. Q shows of a bazooka ghettoblaster. There's one of those old square Apple computers. Roger fills a Japantown hot tub with bubble bath. And the music - Duran Duran - ouch (there's some Pretenders tracks mixed in there but you don't notice them unless you are really listening hard). Roger ruined Bond.
Dalton, well, I started watching The Living Daylights and just couldn't make it. A-Ha did the soundtrack and yes, I've apologized to Tara for dissing the new SPECTRE song repeatedly. I remember liking Dalton back in the day, probably just because it was an escape from Roger, but his version of Bond hasn't aged well. Hulu crashed on me and I was grateful. Maybe I'll finish it, just to see it through. Maybe I'll finish VtaK. Maybe I'll try Moonraker. Maybe I'll just stick sriracha-soaked forks in my eyes.
Haven't got to Brosnan yet. He was always weird for me as he started as a Bond caricature for TV and then became Bond. WTH?
It's funny, my memory of these movies are so shiny. Now I'm wondering how Bond managed to survive a half century. I say he's still riding on Sean's coattails.
My family knows I'm disappointed about getting shut out of SPECTRE so they have said they will watch Goldfinger with me tonight. Tara has only seen You Only Live Twice and Skyfall. Stacy suggested we go for Suffragette, but the timing of the showing doesn't work with her work schedule. I LUV Goldfinger. I saw it again about a month ago and was just glued to the screen. The finale fight with Oddjob is brilliant with its sustained level of tension and action. One of the top Bond songs, top Bond villains, and the real Bond.
:prayer: Sean Connery!
OK, end of rant.
Shadow boxing the apocalypse