04-25-2014, 02:45 PM
Delete the part of the subhead that says 'What's up with Gene's Dad?' my dad is dead.
It's been an exhausting week. I didn't realize how tiring mourning can be - physically tiring - that whole depression impacting my physical well-being. I really want to just curl up in some blankets with a bottle of whiskey and some Kung Fu vids. I can't really tell how much of it is adjusting to the new blood pressure med either. That does give me moments of sleepiness and dizziness, and I still have occasional hacking cough fits, but much less than before. yesterday I spaced out taking my blood pressure med until lunch when my heart started pounding like it was going to burst. fuckin med. This new one, the Tenoretic (Atenolol/Chlorthalidone), is really addictive in that if I stop, I go into withdrawal in hours. I hate being addicted to meds, but what else to do at this point? Toggling my BP has sent me on this weird internal rollercoaster ride, coupled with my emotional state, it's hard to tell where I am nowadays, at least from the inside.
I'm bummed that this week fell in a way that I can't spend more time with my mom. We've been chatting on the phone daily, not really about much, just idle errand-like chats about what's been going on. We both tell each other we're doing ok. And on the whole, we probably are, all things considered. On Wed, I went up to SF for a meeting with WildAid and a screener of Brick Mansions. I left work early in hopes of enjoying chinatown a little more, but got snagged in traffic just after I passed my chance to take the san mateo, and ended up screaming furiously in the gridlock (my rage surges are on a hair-trigger nowadays). Nevertheless, I made my meeting just in time and it all went very well. After that, I lurked about chinatown, half-assedly searching for a horse trophy for our year of the horse - horse stance competition (I did find some within the budget I was given, but they were too fragile and heavy for me to want to carry them around for the rest of the night). I ended up in my fav tea shop, red blossom, where a saleslady treated me to some top shelf white teas. wound up sitting next to this gay tea fanatic, who might have been hitting on me. it was all good tho - i was flattered and it was fun to try to keep up with those tea masters as their knowledge of teas was far superior to mine. then i grabbed my fav vegan philly at loving hut and met my old buddy, mike, for the screener. when my dad went into hospice, mike told me of his mom who had a similar 'few months to live' diagnosis, and then went on to live in a nursing home for nine more years (catatonic at the end) costing the family their nice home in the sunset district. i'm grateful my dad's situation didn't go that way. the long journey back down the PCH flew by because my mind was racing over so many things. i was shocked how quickly i was back. i took an extra telecommute day yesterday to finish my BRick Mansions review and avoid the adhd outbursts of g2, which are at their height with our tournament less than a month away - it's taking much of my restraint not to just light into my coworkers. fortunately, i'm tired, so there's some self-restraint inherent in that.
tomorrow is a jog/walk-a-thon fundraiser at T's school, so i'll spend the morning up on the mountain. it's raining now, so that might be miserable and muddy if it's not over the cloud bank as it often is. then the rest of the weekend is just chillin, which is good because it's what i feel i need. next week is the issue deadline, but we're in pretty good shape, so i can limp along morosely.
It's been an exhausting week. I didn't realize how tiring mourning can be - physically tiring - that whole depression impacting my physical well-being. I really want to just curl up in some blankets with a bottle of whiskey and some Kung Fu vids. I can't really tell how much of it is adjusting to the new blood pressure med either. That does give me moments of sleepiness and dizziness, and I still have occasional hacking cough fits, but much less than before. yesterday I spaced out taking my blood pressure med until lunch when my heart started pounding like it was going to burst. fuckin med. This new one, the Tenoretic (Atenolol/Chlorthalidone), is really addictive in that if I stop, I go into withdrawal in hours. I hate being addicted to meds, but what else to do at this point? Toggling my BP has sent me on this weird internal rollercoaster ride, coupled with my emotional state, it's hard to tell where I am nowadays, at least from the inside.
I'm bummed that this week fell in a way that I can't spend more time with my mom. We've been chatting on the phone daily, not really about much, just idle errand-like chats about what's been going on. We both tell each other we're doing ok. And on the whole, we probably are, all things considered. On Wed, I went up to SF for a meeting with WildAid and a screener of Brick Mansions. I left work early in hopes of enjoying chinatown a little more, but got snagged in traffic just after I passed my chance to take the san mateo, and ended up screaming furiously in the gridlock (my rage surges are on a hair-trigger nowadays). Nevertheless, I made my meeting just in time and it all went very well. After that, I lurked about chinatown, half-assedly searching for a horse trophy for our year of the horse - horse stance competition (I did find some within the budget I was given, but they were too fragile and heavy for me to want to carry them around for the rest of the night). I ended up in my fav tea shop, red blossom, where a saleslady treated me to some top shelf white teas. wound up sitting next to this gay tea fanatic, who might have been hitting on me. it was all good tho - i was flattered and it was fun to try to keep up with those tea masters as their knowledge of teas was far superior to mine. then i grabbed my fav vegan philly at loving hut and met my old buddy, mike, for the screener. when my dad went into hospice, mike told me of his mom who had a similar 'few months to live' diagnosis, and then went on to live in a nursing home for nine more years (catatonic at the end) costing the family their nice home in the sunset district. i'm grateful my dad's situation didn't go that way. the long journey back down the PCH flew by because my mind was racing over so many things. i was shocked how quickly i was back. i took an extra telecommute day yesterday to finish my BRick Mansions review and avoid the adhd outbursts of g2, which are at their height with our tournament less than a month away - it's taking much of my restraint not to just light into my coworkers. fortunately, i'm tired, so there's some self-restraint inherent in that.
tomorrow is a jog/walk-a-thon fundraiser at T's school, so i'll spend the morning up on the mountain. it's raining now, so that might be miserable and muddy if it's not over the cloud bank as it often is. then the rest of the weekend is just chillin, which is good because it's what i feel i need. next week is the issue deadline, but we're in pretty good shape, so i can limp along morosely.
Shadow boxing the apocalypse