01-29-2012, 04:32 PM
Finally watched this. And my first question is, why did this go straight to DVD?
The answer, I believe, is that the people involved had friends in high enough places to provide the financing for a DVD release.
The opening scene sets the expectations for the entire movie. The camera pans down into a dungeon to show the Scorpion King strung up and being whipped. The pan follows a rope down to his wrist and then onward down to his face and then his steroid body. But the rope around his wrist is just a big loop, and the big ape is simply gripping the rope to hold it in place. Good heavens. The opening shot? That gets a "I love loosey" oscar.
This is also in the good grooming style of sword and sorcery. Everyone has a hair stylist, and people very seldom get smudgeoned with dirt. The exception is the Scorpion King's side-kick, an ugly slob with stringy hair and a penchant for never bathing. I felt ill every time he appeared on screen, which was often. I will give the director and writers credit, however, in knowing when enough is enough. This slob's disgusting habit of belching in people's faces stopped at the forty-five minute mark.
Our persian, Halvah, sat at my feet on the recliner during this movie. She was very attentive to the ninja battle in the forest, the one where they keep defeating Scorpion dude but then letting him go so that the fight can resume yet again, and again. Once that fight finally ended (I suspect the ninjas rushed off to enter the Ninja Star halloween contest), Halvah yawned and called it a night.
But not me. I watched it to the bitter end. Kimbo Slice put in an appearance, demonstrating his ability to pose like the Hulk. And Selina fought with the other girl, which was decent swordplay, like doing parts of weapons sparring sets, and I was okay with that, though there was no real give and take to the fights, they weren't really "plotted," and eventually the fights just ended -- from my recollections. Hmmm, I'm fuzzed on the resolutions. I think a spell was broken, so Selina then became the Scorpion's friend.
I felt Billy Zane put in the best acting in the movie, perhaps because he was able to fill the void of the script with a bit more spontaneous reactions. Though he also had the biggest boner in the whole movie when he ripped the ear off an uncooperative messenger (though one can still see the real ear on the messenger) and he holds the ear up to his mouth and says, "Can you hear me now?"
I did see the The Scorpion King starring the Rock and thought it was at least a valid diversion. Didn't see the second. Doubt I will now.
The answer, I believe, is that the people involved had friends in high enough places to provide the financing for a DVD release.
The opening scene sets the expectations for the entire movie. The camera pans down into a dungeon to show the Scorpion King strung up and being whipped. The pan follows a rope down to his wrist and then onward down to his face and then his steroid body. But the rope around his wrist is just a big loop, and the big ape is simply gripping the rope to hold it in place. Good heavens. The opening shot? That gets a "I love loosey" oscar.
This is also in the good grooming style of sword and sorcery. Everyone has a hair stylist, and people very seldom get smudgeoned with dirt. The exception is the Scorpion King's side-kick, an ugly slob with stringy hair and a penchant for never bathing. I felt ill every time he appeared on screen, which was often. I will give the director and writers credit, however, in knowing when enough is enough. This slob's disgusting habit of belching in people's faces stopped at the forty-five minute mark.
Our persian, Halvah, sat at my feet on the recliner during this movie. She was very attentive to the ninja battle in the forest, the one where they keep defeating Scorpion dude but then letting him go so that the fight can resume yet again, and again. Once that fight finally ended (I suspect the ninjas rushed off to enter the Ninja Star halloween contest), Halvah yawned and called it a night.
But not me. I watched it to the bitter end. Kimbo Slice put in an appearance, demonstrating his ability to pose like the Hulk. And Selina fought with the other girl, which was decent swordplay, like doing parts of weapons sparring sets, and I was okay with that, though there was no real give and take to the fights, they weren't really "plotted," and eventually the fights just ended -- from my recollections. Hmmm, I'm fuzzed on the resolutions. I think a spell was broken, so Selina then became the Scorpion's friend.
I felt Billy Zane put in the best acting in the movie, perhaps because he was able to fill the void of the script with a bit more spontaneous reactions. Though he also had the biggest boner in the whole movie when he ripped the ear off an uncooperative messenger (though one can still see the real ear on the messenger) and he holds the ear up to his mouth and says, "Can you hear me now?"
I did see the The Scorpion King starring the Rock and thought it was at least a valid diversion. Didn't see the second. Doubt I will now.