my father

[Drunk Monk]

well, thanksgiving marks the anniversary of my dad's stroke. it's been two years now. he's made some significant improvement very recently actually. his comprehension is much better and he responds very appropriately more and more. i think unattentive people might completely miss his aphasia. he spends most of his time watching tv - sports mostly - golf, tennis, football - he can't really use the remote so my mom calls the shots. he has some responsibilities like feeding the dog and doing dishes. today (thanksgiving) i was replacing a chalkboard that i had to take down to repaint an area around the replaced sliding glass door. i repainted it last weekend. my dad made some dead on comments about it. my mom tells me he has recently specified 'no sauce' on a sandwich at arby's, which is a major leap, really. he's able to participate, and seems to know his boundaries. he keeps a careful eye on my mom when we go out to eat, so as not to get lost or wander astray.

my mom, a retired dietician if you'll recall, monitors his diet with scrutiny since his meds, blood pressure and borderline diabetes are a factor. she's shouldered the role of primary caretaker with amazing grace, a fact i constantly have to remind myself of when she pushes some ancient button of mine, as parents often do. their old house is falling apart. my dad, being a nuclear engineer, used to repair everything in this bizarre rube goldberg fashion. now my mom is repairing it properly - new sliding glass door, new garage door, new heater, etc. there was a bad leak in the upstairs toilet and the downstairs ceiling is all ripped out now, drying, and awaiting repair. homeowner problems are constant and i'm down every weekend doing what i can (between maintaining our own home, of course).

i'm catagorized as the 'sandwich generation' now - caught between supporting parents and children. i imagine this position has always existed, but some say it is increasing due to improvements in modern medicine giving greater longevity. it's a strange midlife place, unexpected and stressful, and i don't wish it on any of you. i'm glad that my parents did plan ahead well financially and are very secure. at this point, we're nowhere near that kind of retirement. just trying to make ends meet. still bouncing checks occasionally. not sure where this goes next, but no news is good news...

[Legbone]

Gene,

That is a heavy responsiblity and your parents are lucky to have you to help them out. I have been to so many con homes and seen the forgotten and lonely. They take care of us to we can take care of them.

[Drunk Monk]

Shortly after my dad had his stroke, Stacy's Civic was giving her trouble so she sold it. My mom was tired of paying insurence for two cars, both Toyota Camrys, so she gave one to me. It was formerly her car, actually, and she took over my dad's car. It's a '97 with only 80,000 miles on it, only driven by my mom around Sunnyvale. It had this lingering issue starting and stalling. I dropped about $500 into it over the summer to seal the head gaskets. Then another $500 went in just before I left for Hawaii last December to replace the fuel sensors. When I came back, another $500 went in for a new IAC valve and battery. The problem kept getting worse. This was with the dealership. They're more expensive, but they should know the car, are in walking distance of my office, and I've gotten great service withe the Prius. Last week, they wanted another $500 for a new fuel pump. I took it to another mechanic and it's been there all week. Today, he gave up. He couldn't figure out what was wrong. Fortunately, he's not charging me for his examination and seems genuinely sorry he couldn't offer more advice.

Now I don't know cars worth shit. My dad was an engineer, a nuclear engineer, which meant he understood the mechanics of cars and worked on them, but the results were dubious. It was always a sore point in our relationship. When I had my my Corolla wagon, the driver's side door handle broke. He was determined to fix it with epoxy and popsicle sticks. I was a poor graduate student at UCSC and could afford the humilaition of crawling through the passenger side. We both went to dumps to find a replacement part. My dad found it first but refused to buy it because he prefered his epoxy and popsicle sticks. That was a huge argument. He eventually told concede. Another time he couldn't get my manual Corrola to start while I was away so he basically hotwired the car with a light switch to the ignition under the hood. The problem was he wasn't used to manual shift and had tried to start it out of gear. That was another huge argument. Now I wonder if he ever tinkered with the Camry and how that might have affected it. 80,000 is not a lot of miles. The car is in great shape, except for this weird problem that no mechanic seems to be able to solve. Now it's gotten so bad that I don't trust it, especially with Tara in the backseat. Stacy and I are looking to get a loan for a new car.

It's strange. I hate that Camry. It was free, so I can't complain, but it was so damn suburban, not at all what I'd choose to drive. In the two years I've had it, I don't know how many times I've put my key into another green Camry thinking it was mine. But still, there's something quirky about it that reminds me of my father. The doors lock and unlock with sharp turns. The cabin light goes on and off at random. There's still a shoe horn from some golf course that I've kept as a memento of my dad in the glove compartment. Because of the car situation, it's been three weeks since I've been able to visit my folks. I gotta get a new car....

[Drunk Monk]

We got a stripped down white 2006 Civic 4-door - very practical - and traded in the Camry. It's seriously stripped down - no radio, no air, no frills, manual - we'll probably add air when we get some money. It does have side airbags as standard. Managed to do it in cash - had to withdraw from one of Tara's savings, but we'll be able to put that back soon. My Camry registration expired two days before we traded it. Stacy will take the new car. I'll get the Prius back.

[cranefly]

I had a dream about getting a new car -- on the day you posted about getting the 2006 stripped-down Civic. I bring this up in the interests of synchronicity, not much else.

In the dream, I was driving a Thunderbird. A classic one, so it wasn't really new. A nice car, with fins. Thunderbirds have fins, don't they? Two good friends had Thunderbirds when I was a teenager, but I'm forgetting their details. Anyway, this one had fins, and it was robin's-egg blue. Or I think it was. I'm not even certain I dream in color, but I know it had a nice color.

Here's the interesting point. While driving it, I kept trying to convince myself what a neat car it was. But I kept wondering, Where's my Prius? Because even though this was a neat car, I wanted my Prius back. My Prius is tideland pearl, by the way -- a fancy name for medium gray. You don't get noticed much in it, especially in the land of Priuses, which is what the Bay Area is turning into. And these days I like going unnoticed.

The Thunderbird just wasn't me; I wanted my Prius back. And this mental conflict is what ultimately woke me.

--cranefly

[Drunk Monk]

Yesterday I took the Civic in because the door lock doesn't function. They have to order a part, so I'll have to take it in again. The Honda dealership is right across from the Toyota dealership. Another morning on Auto Mall.

Today I got in my Prius and a warning light went off. Stacy says it's been doing that since Hawaii. She never took it in for the year and a half she had it. The manuel says if that warning light goes off, I should stop the car and contact the dealership immediately. Stacy says it'll go off soon. It always does. I dread another morning on Auto Mall...

And I still don't have my fucking carpool stickers.

[The Queen]

They just keep breaking and breaking your heart. I've never understood the love affair some people have for the damned things and the look and the features -- I just want the damned things to be reliable! Which, knock on wood, my '98 Civic has been, for the most part.

BTW, this is one of the reasons I am slightly dubious about the next Pixar offering. I love Pixar and have laughed myself silly about everything they've done to date, but I just can't imagine a feature length story about cars... guess we'll see!

[Haggis Killer]

I think it'll rock. You won't care that it's a car so much as you'll like the characters. At least, I hope you do.

We'll find out in June.

[Drunk Monk]

It's not my heart it's breaking, it's my pocketbook. All these car troubles have hit us right when we got back from spending it all on Hawaii.

As for cars - will it be G rated?

[The Queen]

They were probably ticked off about being left behind. Next time, give them a heartwarming speech about holding the fort while you're gone and send them a postcard.

[The Queen]

I think it'll rock. You won't care that it's a car so much as you'll like the characters. At least, I hope you do.

We'll find out in June.

Oh, don't worry - we'll see it the second it comes out, no doubt. I've thoroughly enjoyed everything else they've done, so I'm sure that if *anyone* can make me think fondly of a car, it'll be Pixar.

Well, actually I do think fondly of Greg's car, but only because it has heated seats. I don't care what anybody else thinks, it's COLD out right now, and those seats are just heavenly.

[Drunk Monk]

I guess the way to the queen's heart is through her bottom.

[Greg_phpbb3_import1]

Silence is the best policy.

[Drunk Monk]

On a positive note, my prius is ok. It just got it's 75,000 check. So I think I'm rejoining the ranks of working car owners. I'm hoping...

[Greg_phpbb3_import1]

Do you get a free extension cord at 75000 with the Prius?

I'm glad they are now coming out with these hybrids that are underpowered and have crappy gas mileage. But people are buying them because they say Hybrid.