My Family

[King Bob]

Lock that cabinet. Or steal it.

[Drunk Monk]

Fuck the vote. Look what voting did to our country. 

That was an act of war. Respond immediately and terminally. By the time he does something else, it may be too late. 

Srsly what are you waiting for? Him to walk in with a sign that says ‘I’m ripping off your mom’?

[thatguy]

Find out where is grandkids live...you might need leverage.

--tg

[Greg]

Christmas at the ER!

[Drunk Monk]

Harsh. Talk about your lump of coal. 

Hoping for the best, whatever that might be...

[Greg]

It turns out she was impacted. The doctor had to clean her out. Basically, we were at the ER because my mother was full of crap.

Yeah, I'm not letting that joke go.

[Drunk Monk]

Lump of crap = lump of Cole

I stand by my earlier statement.

Is she back home now?

[Greg]

She is. We were only there for three hours.

[Drunk Monk]

3 hours ain't too bad. Last time I took my mom to the ER it was at least 3 hours before we even got seen. 

So what's the plan to avoid another iimpaction? More fiber?

[Greg]

Therein lies the rub. She is on all the fiber and stool softeners. It's chemically impossible for her to be impacted and yet, here we are in the ER.

[Drunk Monk]

Oof

High colonic?

[Greg]

Who knows. She woke in pain with thoughts of going back to the ER.

[Greg]

"Greg, what do you want to do for dinner?"

"I bought food for dinner at Trader Joe's. I'm going to have that "

"Oh. What should I have?"

"I thought you were going to have leftover turkey?"

"Yeah. That sounds good"

Ten minutes later. I get called back up to the room.

"Do you want to have Chinese food for dinner?"

"No. I already have dinner in the freezer "

......

In ten minutes, I'm going out to pick up dinner.

[Drunk Monk]

At least it’s not the ER

[Greg]

Truth!