Yosemite 2021

[Greg]

I expect this statement will be said a lot by the youngsters: Where's the old guy?

[thatguy]

I just need to know where to find some strength and stamina!

Wait...wasn't it you that did that iron crotch stuff? Is there something you can draw on from that experience? Try lifting your equipment with your equipment maybe?

--tg

[Greg]

Hard (no pun. don't snicker) pass.

[Greg]

Snapped awake at 3ish. Started doing a rundown of things I should be packing and how I should be getting ready for the trip. I do enough of that during normal waking hours. I don't need to add to that amount during unscheduled awake times.

Although I really need to remember to bring duct tape in case we revisit DM's shoe mishaps.

Did another hike this morning with the pack. I also carried the camera. Worked really well although it does interfere with me looking where I step because the camera projects out front. Also my hips were less than pleased when I first put on the pack. Good times. Ho! to Yo-Semite!

[Drunk Monk]

Although I really need to remember to bring duct tape in case we revisit DM's shoe mishaps.

I got new boots.

[Greg]

Are those boots made for walking? Is that just what they'll do?

[Drunk Monk]

Are those boots made for walking? Is that just what they'll do?

[Greg]

I am off to a flying start. I head off to the park tuesday to meet up with DM who arrives today. I went to go clean out the car only to discover the battery was dead.

For years I have sworn there is an electrical problem with my car. But my mechanic has always said these cars just burn through batteries. He tested it numerous times to show there was no current flow when the key was off. But if I turn the slot that holds the key, I can get the radio to work.

So, dead battery. I pull up the Queen's car and jump start the Envoy with my frequently used jumper cables. It's much easier on a big driveway.

I get in for my drive around Raymond to charge the battery and I notice that I'm not getting any sound out of the speakers from my iPhone. I was going to listen to podcasts during my drive. I play with the buttons in an attempt to trick the radio into working. Nothing.

By this time it's getting a little warm in the car, so I push the button to roll down the window. (That sentence no longer makes any sense for kids who have never rolled down a window) No sound. No windows. Something is screwed up. I think if I turn off the car and quickly turn it back on, it might reset itself. Most mechanical things do respond well to prayers and rituals. I turn it off. I notice the screen on the radio is still working. It usually shuts off when the cars is off and the car door is open. All of these are true and radio continues to function.

When I stick the key in again, I notice the display says unknown driver. Usually it says Driver 1 or Driver 2 based on which set of keys I am using. Nope. Unknown driver. I turn to the key and nothing happens despite all the lights on the dashboard still being on. The windows still don't work. The radio continues to operate. What the serious fuck?

I go and get the other set of keys to the same result. Unknown Driver.

I press a lot of the buttons on the instrument cluster and on the door in the hopes my car will snap out of it and function.

I go online to determine if anyone else has had the unknown driver error with my make of car. Plenty of people. It's fuse 31. Replacing this fuse fixes that particular problem. I call an auto parts store in Oakhurst to see if they have those fuses. They might. It would be best to bring it in.

I make the roughly one hour trip to Oakhurst and back to get the fuse. At the O'Reilly parts store, I ask them to check out the fuse. The fuse works fine. I buy new fuses anyway.

I put in the new fuse and then go have lunch. I'm a little stressed out at this point. I'm not supposed to be playing with the car. I'm supposed to be packing for the Backpacking trip which I am in no way worried about. No way. Not even a little bit. Why should I be concerned that I haven't done this little endeavor in over 40 years? I'm sure it will be fine.

For the fourth time today, I jump start the car (One of the great features about jump starting the envoy is when the battery comes back to life it activates the headlamp washing fluid ejector. Standing over the battery is the perfect spot to get splashed by this). The Dashboard tells me I am driver 1, despite the fact I have the Driver 2 in the ignition. I'm not going to argue. The radio works normally. The windows open. I go drive around for an hour.

It's currently working. I'm going to check it again in the morning. If it works, I drive. If it doesn't, the Queen has offered to drop me off.

HAHAHAHAHAHA! My car hates the thought of spending another week in Yosemite. Almost word for word, the above problems repeated themselves today.  It's not freaky at all. When the car battery sputtered a week or so ago, I immediately changed the car battery so I would not have to worry about car problems. When I went out to the car today and the battery was dead, I almost lost my mind. The ghost in the electrical system continues to taunt me. Worst of all, I didn't remember the precise weirdness from the last time. It took me rereading this post to see the eerily similar parallels.

So, again. I jumped started my car when I found it dead in the driveway. I had errands to run in Oakhurst and figured it would be recharged by the time I got to Oakhurst. But there were weird things about the electrical on the drive. Half of the gauges weren't working. All the warning lights were on. The AC would blow but wouldn't cool. I couldn't get my phone to sun with the Apple CarPlay in the stereo. I figured once I stopped the car and shut off the car, everything would reset.

I get to the library, first stop on the errand run and shut off the car. When I get back to the car, I notice that my fob doesn't work to lock or unlock the car. Fine. Then when I go to turn on the car, I get the driver unknown message. The car won't start. My first assumption is that the battery in the key fob has died. Once that has been replaced, the car will recognize the key and I will be good to go.

I walk up the hill from the library to the gas station that is on Highway 41. It's the closest spot. I'll check them first. They do not have the 2032 battery, but they do recommend the Rite Aid drugstore a couple of blocks up the road. I was going to head to the Napa Auto Parts store across the Street but then I would have to Jaywalk across three lanes of high speed traffic. Plus, Rite-Aid probably has a better shot of having my battery.

Indeed Rite-Aid does have my battery. Everything is going great. I swap batteries after a brief struggle to remove the battery from the double sealed packaging. I walk back from the Rite-Aid to the library. I am getting my steps in. All good. Except for the lack of a hat. When I left the house, I figured I wouldn't be out in the sun all that much. I can leave the hat behind. Now, I've just spent fifteen minutes with my bare pate directly exposed to the UV generator.

I get back to the car and depress the open-door button on the fob to no effect whatsoever. I put the key in the ignition and I'm told the the driver is unknown. My first thought is I have purchased a dead 2032 battery. No. I clean all the contacts inside the fob and try again. Still nothing. I am still an unknown driver. Maybe this fob is malfunctioning? Well, the other fob is back at the Lair, almost a half hour drive away. I could call AAA but they would just tow the dead car to the house.

I call the Queen and tell her my predicament. She graciously volunteers to drive the other fob up to me. While I wait, I figure I might as well see if any other people have experienced the Driver Unknown problem (Yes, I could have just read the Yosemite 2019 Post for the answer) Other people have. They have posted videos about the quick fix. I just need to swap out fuse 31. I recall having a couple 10 amp fuses just like it back at the Lair. But I'm also close to not one, but two auto-part stores. Using my key, because I don't have tools with me, I pry the fuse out of the fuse box.

A nice woman sees me with my hood up in the parking lot of the library and asks me if I need any help. She probably knows more about cars than I do. I thank her and say I am on the way to the auto-part store. She offers to drive me! I thank her again and say it's not far. As she pulls out she's probably thinking what kind of bald dumbass wants to walk around in this heat without a hat.

I walk the several blocks to the auto part store and acquire the 10amp fuse to solve all my problems. Yes, I made the counter person go to the aisle and get me the right fuse because I didn't want to leave choosing the right fuse up to me. I have worked with me and I know I can be a problem. But while I'm waiting there to pay, another checker informs my checker he is going out to help another gentleman install his battery. I didn't get that service when i did my battery install in the auto-parts store parking lot. I need to switch auto-parts stores.

Back at the car, I put in the new fuse. I expect miracles. I expect to get my gold star for auto repair manliness. I put the key in the ignition and I'm greeted again by the Driver Unknown warning. Mother goddamn fucker. I retreat back to the lawn and the shade of a giant tree outside of the library. I could wait inside the library, but, yes, I'm punishing my self. I watch another video about solving the Driver Unknown problem. This one offers a slightly different solution. I need to detach the negative cable to the battery to allow the car to reset itself. I don't have the wrench to do this.

But just as I read this, the Queen shows up. She hands me the spare car fob. The extra car fob gets no love from the car. It's insertion into the ignition is also greeted with the driver unknown message. Since I was able to jump start the car earlier despite the Driver Unknown situation, I figure I'll try jumping the car again even though the battery is plenty charged at this point. I'm getting very good at using the jumper cables. But that hack doesn't work either.

The Queen in her infinite wisdom mentions that we should call AAA. I tell I have one last thing to try before we call them. I just need to go to the store and get some tools. Because the Queen is a woman of infinite patience, she agrees. Since Rite-Aid is closest, we shall check to see if they have a crescent wrench. Nope. We drive further up the street to the hardware store and purchase the crescent wrench as well as some cheap gloves to insulate my hands from the battery. I tell my tale of woe to the check-out man. He sees that in just a few minutes I will be yelling at the crescent wrench packaging. He takes out a matte knife and cuts away the zip ties and plastic wrapping on the wrench to free the tool. He does the same for the gloves. He could sense my rage right at the surface.

Back at the library, I undo the negative terminal from the battery. Naturally, the headlight washer squirts me as I undo the connection. Why don't I ever learn to avoid that? After a few seconds, I reattach the negative terminal. I press the key fob. The car gloriously beeps at me. I am Driver #1 again.

And then I read the post from two years ago. And I am stunned that it was the exact same electrical gremlin as the two years ago. I am also stunned, although i shouldn't be because I know me,  that I didn't remember these details. I get the feeling i will double quoting when we do this again in two years.

[Drunk Monk]

Forgive me but I genuinely laughed out loud several times while reading this.

You're a good writer, bro.

[Greg]

High praise from the master!

[Greg]

Two addendums to the adventure.

When I finally got the car started, the outside temperature according to the car was 110°.

I stopped at the Raleys grocery store on the way home, one of my other errands. As I was putting the bags in the back seat, I spotted my socket set, the same set I used to swap out the battery two weeks ago. It has the socket I could have used to loosen the terminal.

I struggle.

[Dr. Ivor Yeti]

"I have worked with me and I know I can be a problem."

That is a funny line.

[Greg]

That knowledge is hard won experience.

[Drunk Monk]

It has the socket I could have used to loosen the terminal.

[Greg]

Sigh.

I have a new hiking best friend. It's name is Caltopo.