my mom

[Drunk Monk]

It kinda trips me out that I can recognize guest stars that appear on Murder She Wrote just by the sound of their voice.  I'll hear a voice, know who it is, and confirm that by peeking.  This episode has Father Mulcahy from M.A.S.H. (last week it was Trapper John) and Gomez Addams from the Addams Family.  I'm somewhat annoyed that my brain stores that information so well when at the same time, I constantly forget numbers like my license plate.  And don't even get me started on my pins.

On a bright note, my mom is gaining more mobility and more independence. She can get around with her cane, but still doesn't do stairs without help (which is prudent).  She's had some no shows for her caretakers and manages fine.  Sometimes she gets a bit muddled in her thinking, partly due to age and partly due to being on opiods for like 10 months now, but she's still able to manage random tasks.  She managed to get her heater filter replaced with the help of a caretaker, which involved finding the filter (odd size, old heater) accessing the panel and such.

[Drunk Monk]

My mom is watching Murder She Wrote like always. There's a sword fight. It was a murder within a theater company.  Very distracting.

[Dr. Ivor Yeti]

Were the fights better than GoT?

[Drunk Monk]

I didn't watch them.  I was working in the living room.  She was watching TV in the den.  

They didn't sound good tho.

[Drunk Monk]

My mom has made astonishing improvement.  She's weened herself off the bulk of the pain meds and feels clearer and in less pain.  She's complete her PT (after a while, they say 'you're done' mostly because the insurance money is done).  She's walking around fairly well and can now venture outside to get her newspaper and mail, negotiating those few awkward steps on her landing and garage.  And she managed a shower on her own.  She's still pretty hunched over and moving very slowly, and definitely fragile.  I have this nagging fear she's going to fall.  She really wants to drive again, which also gives me pause, but it would only be to the senior center so not far, mostly suburban roads, only one major street with a light in between. We'll see about that.  We're cutting back on her caretakers.  One flaked out and we're not going to replace her.

[Dr. Ivor Yeti]

So mostly good news, then? That’s a pleasant change.

[King Bob]

My mom is kind of going the other way. She got pneumonia (and I got sick from taking her to the doctor). Then into the hospital because she had lost 10lbs in two weeks. All they found was a UTI. She was so weak that the doctor wanted her to go to skilled nursing for a week so she could get PT every day and maybe get stronger. And the change of location has made her much more confused. Yesterday morning we got there just as the PT and OT people did, and when they tried to get her out of bed (at 11 am) she mocked them and tried to hit them. Then she went to sleep so we left. But when my brother got there later she was up and dressed and cooperative. The head nurse from her assisted living facility is going to evaluate her tomorrow and we'll get her back there as soon as we can; I don't think the skilled nursing stay is helping much. She can get still get PT there, but for an outpatient it's only once or twice a week. Still not eating much, but apparently enough to keep her going, so I think we're in for a long slow decline. Of course. Pretty much nothing is ever easy with her.

I have no idea what the hospital stay is going to cost because El Camino is out of network for PAMF patients. I assume Medicare will cover most so hopefully not a huge bill. In the future she has to go to Stanford unless it's a real emergency.

[Drunk Monk]

Oof sorry to hear this, KB. 

We’ve done that PAMF dance too, as you know.

How are feeling now? I hear there’s some flus & colds going around but it hasn’t hit my circles ... yet.

[King Bob]

Fine now. And colonosopy revealed only a few benign polyps and diverticuli, but with no -itis.

[Drunk Monk]

Well that's good news.

[Drunk Monk]

Sometimes I shouldn't do the math.  I realized that I spend one fourth of my time here at my mom's doing care.  Admittedly, some of it is telecommuting, doing my laundry, sleeping or streaming vids, but I'd rather not be in Svale for so long.  It's a depressingly suburban place and makes me upset at the world.  

I wish I was a better caretaker.  I anger easily and have a hard time talking with my mom because she doesn't listen and talks over me all the time, or repeats the same conversation points over and over.  Drives me nuts, mostly because it's hard to tell what is just old age and what might be the onset of a serious problem.  She's very stubborn about her routine and certain things.  I have to keep reminding myself that she was caretaker for my dad for over a decade.  Of course, by then, they were both retired and she had nothing else to do.  I have my wife, my daughter, my work and my own interests.  And one fourth of my time is a lot of my time.  

Today she asked me to find her dictionary.  She has no idea where it might be but she thinks it's green. It could be anywhere in this house, which is such a mess, particularly the upstairs.  I looked for a little while but then gave up.  Several of the lights don't work anymore upstairs, not burnt out bulbs necessarily but old fixtures and such.  

Tomorrow is a check-up with the surgeon.

[Greg]

Here's my 2 cents.

You need to go talk to someone about what you are going through. either a psychologist or psychiatrist. You've been in the trenches too long without any relief. Plus, you're dealing with some big losses in your life at the moment. It's too much to bear alone.

My sister who is in a similar situation to you recently had a nervous breakdown. I don't if that's what they are calling it, but that's what it sounds like. She had to go to the emergency room because she couldn't stop weeping. Just recently she spent two weeks going through intensive therapy to help her deal with her mental health issues. It's been months since she's been able to even go over to my mother's house. The thought of it makes her cry. Naturally, my mother can't understand what the problem is and thinks she must be having a difficult time at work. Which she is, but not to the level of stress my mother deals out.

I don't want a similar fate to happen to you. Please, do something to help yourself before it gets out of control.

I will now descend from my soapbox and go back to making fun of your choice in crushes.

[Drunk Monk]

So sorry to hear about your sister. That’s so rough.

Fortunately my mom is good natured. Most of my issues come from my own head, and you’re prolly right - I do need therapy for so many reasons.

[Greg]

I'm pretty sure, I'm always right.

Take care of yourself.

[Drunk Monk]

I'm pretty sure, I'm always right.

There are several impediments to me getting therapy.  The two most prevalent are #1. we took a bath financially last year with our property unrented for 8 months, plus all the repair costs.  Right now, we can't even afford internet and we're scrimping to have some sort of holiday festivities when Tara comes home with her apartment mate.  and #2 having a degree in psych messes with therapy.  I know how it works, the therapy devices and such, so I can see through it.  Studying psych is like taking a bite of the fruit from that tree of knowledge - it kicks you out of therapy Eden.

All that being said, my mom's check up with her neurosurgeon went really well.  The screws are holding fine, so much so they considered cancelling her surgery anniversary check up - the final one.  I think her age made them decide to keep it.  Besides, it's all paid for by insurance, so a prudent call.  

The PA said she remembers my mom from when she got her surgery because she's never seen anyone in such pain.