my mom

[Drunk Monk]

Thus begins the thread I've been avoiding for a long time now.

I'm spending superb owl Sunday at the same facility where my dad died.  My mom and I went past his old room a few days ago and checked in with each other to make sure it was indeed that room.  These places are challenging. The sounds, the smells, the vibe. The staff struggles to do their best in the face of such mortality. I hate this place. The bunny hutch has been greatly reduced. But on the upside, there's wifi so I can catch up on the work I'm missing being here, which is what I was just doing while my mom was napping, finishing my Alita review.

After her surgery two Tuesdays ago, she was prescribed two weeks of rehab here.  That ends Wednesday, just a few days away, and we don't know what happens next.  I've been trying to reach her doctor and surgeon but with little success.  I spoke to the surgeon's desk and left an extensive message.  Her doctor's two phone numbers (the one my mom has and the one on the official medical site) just ring and ring, not even an answering machine. No one in this facility has a clue - I'm going to try to meet with someone, anyone, tomorrow.

My mom still has intense episodes of pain, barely managed by her pain meds.  She can scoot around in her wheelchair, roll the halls for exercise, and use the bathroom on her own, but it's unlikely she'll be able to come home by Wednesday (she doesn't think she can so that squelches that). She still needs 24 hour care, and although Stacy and I think we could manage that with some hired help, my mom's house has a lot of awkward stairs - the same problem my dad ran into when he lost his mobility. 

It's been day to day for more than two weeks now.  I get some respite yesterday.  Stacy scheduled a hot tub and we had a nice dinner out. Got a good night's sleep too. Next week will be challenging with the Taiji master event on Friday & Saturday.  I'm relying heavily on caffeine to keep it together but I'm pretty frazzled.

[Dr. Ivor Yeti]

I’m thinking of you, your mom, and Stacy. Wishing you strength and lots of caffeine.

[King Bob]

Good luck DM. Do you think she can get back to living on her own at home, or is this going to push her into assisted living?

[Drunk Monk]

Good luck DM. Do you think she can get back to living on her own at home, or is this going to push her into assisted living?

No idea yet.  The story changes every hour.

[Drunk Monk]

So this morning, my mom called saying she did well at OT and the therapist said she was right on track, which she thought meant she was to be released this Wednesday.  I spent most of the day thinking of how that might work.  When I got to the healthcare center, she corrected herself saying she had no idea what would happen next but she definitely didn't feel confident about going home yet.  She's still wheelchair bound.  If she could get to a walker, we both think it'll be possible.  

We found out that PAMF does reviews on Tuesdays and my mom is scheduled for one.  We also found out that she has no discharge date. We originally thought she was given two weeks only, but now we're told that the two weeks is the reeval point, which we are told is tomorrow.  

After spending 9 months at this facility with my dad, it's harsh going back.  Honestly, I'm not sure I can go through all this again.  With my dad, he was mobile but aphasic.  My mom is oriented, although she gets confused and overwhelmed in the medical system (as do I) and has some memory fails, but not to the point of dementia or anything.  She just can't walk.  So it's like the opposite issue.  

What has made it worse is that in just a few years, the traffic plaque has thickened along the 85 artery so that the commute is hours of stop-&-go, like from 3-to-7, and there's no real workaround, so I have to dance around that to go home.  The mornings are bad too.

[King Bob]

Best wishes DM. I hate dealing with PAMF. My mom has it and they just don't have it together like Kaiser.

[Drunk Monk]

The review went well.  They are upping her pain meds and giving her another week of rehab.  She'll be reevaluated in a week.  We are both happy with that.  She is making progress, and if she can get to the point to where she can use a walker, she can return home, we think.

I feel ya on PAMF.  They called my mom at home to set up an appointment last week while she was in the rehab center. wth?

The center is decorated with crappy paintings of Paris, that kind of sloppy style of painting that you'd see in a cheap motel.  But they are somehow soothing for me, having now been to Paris. Makes me think of the good times.

[Drunk Monk]

My mom just called saying that she thinks her spine is completely broken because her PT went poorly. The new meds haven't come through yet. I tried to calm her down, but she got flustered and hung up saying 'don't worry'.

I've been working on several articles but it's so hard to stay focused with this constant rollercoaster ride.

[El Dingo]

Am I the only one in this world who is OK with dying?

If I can't go to the bathroom unaided give me a bottle of scotch, some morphine and a loop of Pink Floyd songs.

My mother is an 83 year old devout Christian and terrified of dying.

Yes, loved ones dying sucks for the living but it happens to all of us and kind of freaks me out how much we try to stop it.

I guess I'm just weird.

[Drunk Monk]

I guess I'm just weird.

As if that’s news to any of us.

I’m not afraid of dying. It’s the suffering. A long time ago when I was having suicidal thoughts I made myself this vow that I would only do that by seppuku. That takes commitment, and I’ve never been anywhere near that committed.

I’ve been pretty depressed about all this today. That’s an artifact of having a degree in psych - self-diagnosis. This morning I could barely get out of bed or eat. It was my telecommute day and I spent most of it wallowing.

The next three days will be a lot of work. Hopefully it’ll keep me distracted.

Did I mention I fell asleep at a stoplight last week? Came out of nowhere. So burnt out.

[Dr. Ivor Yeti]

I agree with DM: It’s the suffering I fear, not the final curtain. I’m looking forward to getting some rest. The “Fencing Master Retirement Plan” is pretty simple and direct, and has been known since the start. I traded a comfy end for a pretty great middle. No regrets there.

[Greg]

What is wrong with you monsters? Live for today. Yes, the end is coming, but don't give up now.

Yes, I think about the fact that I might have climbed my last mountain, but I hope it isn't so. There are things I still want to accomplish in my life. I hate to think I've reached the point in my life where I'm just checking the clock and counting the hours.

Currently, there is a lot of struggle in our lives. Health problems surround us and engulf us. We have a Shit Gibbon in the White House. But I don't want the dark times to define us. Plus, I have house hunting to do this weekend.

[Drunk Monk]

Yes, I think about the fact that I might have climbed my last mountain, but I hope it isn't so. 

You know, Stacy and I were thinking we should invite you & tQ on our next backpacking trip.  Stacy is planning to do some of the JMT - she might take a full month out.  I won't be able to do that long and might just do support and a week of it.  But you'll be close in Ahwahnee...

[Greg]

The Queen does not backpack.

I, on the other hand, am out of shape and willing.

[Drunk Monk]

Willing? Really?