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Why was't this film on the Doom radar? It's the perfect DOOM flick. It has plot holes you can drive a speedboat through. It has terrible dialogue. It has the Hollywood School of Marksmanship.
But it also has some really good fights. It has long shot action sequences. And it has the European Action film feel of Luc Besson. Jean Reno really should have popped up at some point.
Basically, it's a remake of The Bodyguard with Deadpool in the Kevin Costner role and Nick Fury plays Whitney Houston. Elektra (Netflix Elecktra not Movie Elektra) hires Deadpool to get Nick Fury to the Hague to appear at a War Crimes trial for commissioner Gordon (Christopher Nolan Commisionar Gordon not Zach Snyder Commissioner Gordon) Things go immediately wrong. Commissioner Gordon really wants Nick Fury dead and he has an army of Euro Trash to do it. There are gun fights and clever banter and Nick Fury and Deadpoool hate each other because of past problems. Deadpool also has problems with his ex-girlfriend Elektra.
The trip to the court date is fraught with peril. Especially since Nick Fury has to see his wife, Frida Kahlo, one more time before he goes to jail.
The centerpiece is Amsterdam. And once you've seen Amsterdam, you can never go back.
It's Mayhem. It's fun. It's really dumb. Nick and Deadpool do a great job but in the end they both learn a valuable lesson.
We all should have seen this together.
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You had me at Frida. I've smelled her, you know. She smells nice. Really nice. Mmmmm.
KFM was offered a screener for this but we were too busy to write a review so we passed on it.
The other day, Danny compared one of our guest stars to a young Salma. She was a teenager and didn't know who she was. Danny leaned over to me and said 'she doesn't know I just complimented her with one of the most beautiful women in the world.' Yeah, he knows. He's Danny.
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G-Man’s review is perfect. Totally enjoyable.
In the Tudor Period, Fencing Masters were classified in the Vagrancy Laws along with Actors, Gypsys, Vagabonds, Sturdy Rogues, and the owners of performing bears.
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The Hitman's Wife's Bodyguard (2022)
Remember how good The Hitman's Bodyguard was? This is the opposite of that. Whatever secret sauce was used in the first one was not used in the second one. There was a strong feeling of let's just blow shit up because people like that sort of thing. Which I agree with to a certain extent. But this film has some of the stupidest plotting known to man. And all the actors act like they are infants with really tiny motivations. Deadpool wants his Bodyguard license back. Nick Fury needs to be rescued from Interpol. Frida desperately wants to start a family. Meanwhile PussNBoots wants to destroy Europe for the way they have treated Greece as a member of the EU. Except PnB has a strong Spanish accent for a Greek Oligarch. So there is a thing where they need to get the briefcase to the guy or someone will explode and then they have to stop the thing from uploading the code that will unleash the malware which will destroy everything. There are explosions and car chases and torture sequences and narrow escapes and it all was very tedious. Lots of whining from Deadpool. Lots of swearing and boobs from Frida Kahlo. Lots of Nick Fury waiting for the day to end so he could go play golf. Lots of mustache twirling from PnB.
So bad. One short sword fight, though. Still not worth it.
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(03-22-2022, 06:16 AM)Greg Wrote: The Hitman's Wife's Bodyguard (2022)
Remember how good The Hitman's Bodyguard was? This is the opposite of that. Whatever secret sauce was used in the first one was not used in the second one. There was a strong feeling of let's just blow shit up because people like that sort of thing. Which I agree with to a certain extent. But this film has some of the stupidest plotting known to man. And all the actors act like they are infants with really tiny motivations. Deadpool wants his Bodyguard license back. Nick Fury needs to be rescued from Interpol. Frida desperately wants to start a family. Meanwhile PussNBoots wants to destroy Europe for the way they have treated Greece as a member of the EU. Except PnB has a strong Spanish accent for a Greek Oligarch. So there is a thing where they need to get the briefcase to the guy or someone will explode and then they have to stop the thing from uploading the code that will unleash the malware which will destroy everything. There are explosions and car chases and torture sequences and narrow escapes and it all was very tedious. Lots of whining from Deadpool. Lots of swearing and boobs from Frida Kahlo. Lots of Nick Fury waiting for the day to end so he could go play golf. Lots of mustache twirling from PnB.
So bad. One short sword fight, though. Still not worth it.
Best review...I await the sequel
--tg
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(03-22-2022, 06:16 AM)Greg Wrote: The Hitman's Wife's Bodyguard (2022)
Lots of swearing and boobs from Frida Kahlo.
One short sword fight, though.
Sounds good to me.
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03-22-2022, 03:44 PM
(This post was last modified: 03-22-2022, 03:59 PM by Greg.)
No. Just no. Follow Frida on Instagram. That should be enough.
And verily my words fell on the deaf ears of the boob blinded.
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(03-22-2022, 03:44 PM)Greg Wrote: Follow Frida on Instagram.
Already there
Remember I stood right next to her at the PiB premiere is SF. She’s bodacious.
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Seen. The first one. I kept tossing it in my queues across my cavalcade of streaming providers and when I got around it, it left already. But I found it on Hulu tonight (soon to leave) so I jumped on it. It was amusing. Great action scenes. A decent buddy flick with Ryan and Samuel, but I still can’t stand Ryan’s schtick. It only worked for me when Samuel got the better of him. And Salma was hawt as always. Both Salma and Samuel drop the best motherF-bombs in the biz and it’s worth it just to see that. It would’ve made a fun drinking game to do a shot with every motherF. Prolly wouldn’t have made it past the halfway point. It did elicit a full lol when Ryan went through the windshield.
D00M recommended.
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He should have worn his seatbelt.
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(11-29-2024, 02:17 AM)Greg Wrote: He should have worn his seatbelt.
See now? That scene was funny enough that just reading that post made me smile. Lol.
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The Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard
I don’t think it was quite as bad as Greg makes it out to be. It was just more of the same, only less so. Typical sequel really. Ryan was annoying as always. Sam phoned it in which he does whenever he gets the chance. Despite the title (and Greg’s review) there was t nearly enough Salma or her boobs (although the scene where she accused Ryan of ogling and copping a feel was kinda funny). Antonio and Morgan were wasted - they could’ve done much more but I suppose they took Sam’s lead. Same goes for Frank - one of the leading action stars in the biz in this action movie and he doesn’t do any action.
The action was ok. Lots of explosions & machine gun fire and some decent fights kineticly shot to fair effect. Wanted more from the sword fight and even more from the morning star.
Don’t get me wrong - I’m not saying it was good. I’d just save ‘stupidest plotting known to man’ for something stupider. The initial film was kinda stupid, or maybe ridiculous is a better way to say it. This was more ridiculous and worse so for it
If they make a threequel, it should just be Salma & an all female cast. I’d watch the hell out of that.
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