My Family

[Drunk Monk]

Even those of us who use ashtrays have no need for more of them.

[Greg_phpbb3_import1]

Which is why I was given two, I suppose. Explain to me again why I don't drink?

[Drunk Monk]

i give up. why?

honestly, i've been asking that question about you for years....

[The Queen]

Which is why I was given two, I suppose. Explain to me again why I don't drink?

So that I can, and you can be my designated driver?

[Dr. Ivor Yeti]

Not too late to start. You could also start scrapbooking and quit that gonad-lifting hobby, too.

[Drunk Monk]

He used to be my DD. I'm so tempted to make an SS comment here, but I'll restrain myself.

[Greg_phpbb3_import1]

I don't remember any Nazis.

[Drunk Monk]

but nazis could work too.

[Greg_phpbb3_import1]

Well then, thanks for not sharing. I think it's time to go lift.

[Greg_phpbb3_import1]

I'm 48. I almost got kicked out the house this morning for arguing with my mother. My father and I had the audacity to throw four cardboard boxes away to make a little room in the garage. We were yelled at for touching my mother's treasures when she wasn't around. The words sneaks and disrespectful were used many times at tones liable to wake the neighbors blocks away.

Later today we will call the Hoarders TV show to see if they need some new footage.

[Drunk Monk]

how much did you get for those book tapes?

[Greg_phpbb3_import1]

As per standard Lynch operating procedure, my father let a cyst get rather large on his posterior. Not that Lynch's have a lot of cysts on their butts, but they go too long without treatment. He had to have out patient surgery to remove it. It took about a four inch incision to remove it. They didn't get all of it, so he gets to go back for more cutting. They sent it off to check it for cancer.

Today, my long suffering sister gets to go over to the 'rents house and change my father's ass bandage.

[Drunk Monk]

at least you're not dealing with incontinence issues.

[Greg_phpbb3_import1]

My father got T-boned in an intersection. Destroying the front fender and rear quarter panel. He found later when he got the car home to the mechanic that he shouldn't have driven it 300 miles from Santa Barbara as the axles had been smashed out of alignment. He made the tires completely bald with the driving. So, the car is totaled and Dad needs a new whip.

He settles on a beautiful 2013 Cadillac ATS, cherry red with every bell and whistles, whistles he doesn't know how to blow nor bells he can ring.

On the cars 5th day of ownership, he drives it to church. While he is sitting in it in the parking lot, a neighbor, who is driving the car next to him, backs out of her parking spot and goes to turn. She strikes my Dad's new car in the bumper. Realizing, that she had done this, she backs up and pulls forward again. Once again, she hits my Dad's new car. She apologizes and acknowledges she cannot see out of that eye.

[Dr. Ivor Yeti]

Another reason to become an Atheist: Avoiding church parking lots.