Pom penis blues

[Drunk Monk]

As noted previously here, the pom has a disproportionally large penis for such a little dog. It's become a problem. Apparently, his foreskin fails to adequately shield his penis from the slings and arrows of misfortune, so he licks himself raw sometimes, leaving little pools of pom penis blood about the house. The vet says that there's not much to be done. We could surgically trim the pom's penis, but that is expensive, might not work and just doesn't sound right at all. Instead, we are to lubricate the pom's penis regularly with KY. The task has become a point of contention between Mr. and Mrs. Dm. Mrs. Dm argues that Mr. Dm should do the pom penis lubricating because he has more experiences with penises. Mr. Dm argues that Mrs Dm should lube the pom penis because she has more experience with penises that are not hers... okay, granted, that's a totally weak argument, but have you ever lubed a pom penis? It's icky.

This is my real life. I am so not making this up.

[Greg_phpbb3_import1]

Roberta had a horse. The horse was named Pegasus. Pegasus's penis used to get infected. You would have to put medication all around it. It seems Roberta would go on vacation whenever this happened so it was up to her younger brother to go daily and apply this ointment. Horse penis's are huge. They reside in a sheath around the penis. The ointment had to be applied between sheath and penis all the way in.

[cranefly]

Brings back memories of my younger years when I used to hang out a lot with John Holmes. Few people know what a great conversationalist he was. We'd go to bars, hit the bowling alley, see a movie, and all the while he would tell anecdotes -- funny and insightful ones.

Then one day I was watching Monty Python and this line jumped out at me. "Is that a canoe in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?" It seemed like such a strange thing to be asking someone. The thing is, early into our friendship I'd asked John what he had in his pocket, because clearly he had something in there. He told me it was a canoe. I took it at face value, believed him, though it seemed an odd place to be keeping a canoe. A lot of his anecdotes had to do with canoeing trips in the LA area, so that I came to visualize LA as this spelunker's wonderland of tunnels and underground passages that were perfect for exploration by canoe.

But anyway, after that Monty Python skit, I did a search on the web for, "Is that a canoe in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?" Of course, back then PCs were spring-powered and the internet was all 1-inch thick copper wire. But anyway, that's when I discovered what that saying really meant, and a lot of John's idiosyncrasies and a lot of the things that John had told me suddenly took on a whole different meaning.

Wherever we were headed, John would see a store and want to stop and buy KY jelly. I can't recall how many times this happened. It seemed like every time we went anywhere. And he didn't buy just a little. He'd buy all they had in stock. When I asked what it was for, he told me it was for the old canoe.

That led me to tell another friend who had a real canoe, and who was suggesting I get into the sport, that I just couldn't afford all that KY jelly. He gave me a strange look like I was crazy, and I didn't see much of him after that. No, not crazy. Just very naive back then.

Soon after that Monty Python skit, I started drifting away from John. He just had way too much going on in his pocket for me to deal with anymore. And I was starting to get interested in platypuses.

[Drunk Monk]

LB was telling me of one of the prisoners he works with that has a penis the size of LB's forearm. He cradles it like a baby and sticks it through the cell food slot at any passing female guards/workers.

Our groomer refers to the Pom's penile issues by asking "is his lipstick showing?" It's sort of another faux pas, when you ponder it.

[El Dingo]

I love thinking up band names.

Initially I thought "Lip Bomb" or "One False Move" were my favorites, but "Pom Penis Blues" is my new favorite.

[Greg_phpbb3_import1]

Or at least make me laugh.

[Drunk Monk]

You've probably heard of Boo, the pom web sensation. We've been toying with the idea of creating an anti-Boo site with Jingles. He's always really scruffy because we don't groom him as much as a pom requires. We were thinking of punking him out and making him into Boo's evil nemesis. Of course, the obvious pic would be him with his lipstick out, but that goes the wrong direction rather quickly.

[thatguy]

Your porn penis blues made me think of this poem I heard once on KPIG:

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--tg

[Drunk Monk]

And The Most Beautiful In The World is... A Dog!
By Nickky Faustine P. de Guzman
Published: March 24, 2013

Filipina title holders the likes of Venus Raj, Janine Tugonon, and Shamcey Supsup may have failed to bag the highly-coveted Miss Universe crown but someone else from the Philippines did it for them.

Enter Philippine-Italian Canton Jet Li, a locally-bred Pomeranian who bested more than 200 other Pomeranians from all over the world and bagged the “Mr. Universe” crown for dogs. And proved once more that the Philippines is not just home to beauty queens but also to the most beautiful canines. Jet Li’s cunning abilities, stance, styles, talents, and tricks have again brought pride to our country in international contests. This also demonstrates the skills of the breeder in producing today’s dog champions.

The recently concluded global dog show competition, American Pomeranian Club (APC) Nationals held in Kentucky, USA last March 10-13, bestowed the championship award to the three-year-old Philippine-bred Pomeranian in the Best of Breed (Best in Specialty Show) category. The dog champion, Philippine Italian Canton Jet Li, bested more than 200 Pomeranians, 50 of which were earlier American Champions.

Hundreds of owners and breeders from all over the world displayed and paraded their charming and pudgy Pomeranians in front of the international judges and Jet Li captured their hearts because he has the closest characteristics in keeping with the global criterion.

The criteria of choice are how closely the specimen comply with the breed standard, which is the breed type (breed bible), sound body and mind (how the dog moves and its temperament) and showmanship (yabang).

The recognition is conferred to the sole dog which, at the end of the all-breed dog show, has successfully defeated the other dogs of all kinds of breeds. The Best of Breed contest evaluates dogs and bitches on how well they conform to their breed type in harmony with the APC standard.

According to the 1997 APC benchmark, the “major faults” of Pomeranians are “round head, domed skull, under-shot and overshot mouth, lack of soundness in hind legs or stifles, and soft or flat coat.” Obviously, Canton Jet Li is nothing but these.

Our very own Champion had experienced setbacks before the competition began. He had just arrived the night before the contest and had no American title to back him up. Before bagging the championship and eventually winning against the 200 Pomeranians, Jet Li had undergone the Open Dog Class competition (a contest for red, orange, sable, and cream Pomeranian breeds). After winning under this title, he had to vie against the Winners Dog before he can become eligible to fight for the ultimate Best of Breed competition. Eventually, he won.

Prior to Jet Li’s winning, the last Pomeranian to win the Breed from the classes was an Open Bitch Cenla Annie Laurie O’ Friday in 1991. At that time, competition was so much less in numbers. Accordingly, a win like this at the Nationals from the classes, only happening again after 22 years is indeed historical. It brings great pride to the Philippines since the winner was a Philippine dog.

Special recognition also goes to the former old time Pomeranian breeder and international judge Jackie Stacy who had the courage to follow her convictions regardless of the psychological pressures to put up the more popular dogs. Indeed, a non-political win.

This accomplishment serves as an inspiration to other Filipinos that we can! No matter what we do, whether it is big or small, the pursuit to excellence eventually has its own rewards and recognitions.

Did You Know That...

The most publicized and largest dog show competition is the Westminister New York followed by the Crufts in United Kingdom. However, for breed specialist the most prestigious is the US' Breed Nationals, which is equivalent of the Miss Universe contest.

Pomeranians or Pom Poms are cocky extroverted small dogs that have heavy lion mane-like furs. The fur should be harsh and profuse as they get older. The highly commercialized attractive soft cotton candy may be attractive but discouraged as it is a major fault in dog competitions. Look for harsh textured coats instead because they will get better when Pom Poms grow.

For future Pomeranian owners, stay away from cotton candy-like fur because it is prone to baldness. Look at the puppies' sire (male parents) to see if it still have its coat. Many breeders who use black-skinned dogs as studs will always find an excuse not to show the sire of their puppies.

Pom Poms weigh four to seven pounds and have 12-15 years of life expectancy. They have fox-like expressions and are very competitive because of their natural showmanship. They also come in all colors, patterns, and variations although red and orange are the popular colors.

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[Drunk Monk]

I'm sorry that the only DOOM bro who got to witness J at maximum erection was LB. Did any of the rest of you see it? LB was impressed. It was like a 5th leg. Man, if I had to fill a boner with a legful of blood, I'd pass out every time I was aroused. I meant to take a photo, even thought it would make a good avatar for this forum, but I never did. Now, since J has the pom penis blues, his junk is a mere fraction of its former girth, and it's always bent because it's often dragging in the dirt. Now it's *pardon the pun* very cock-eyed, which means when he pees, he often pees on his standing leg foot. It usually dresses to the left, and he usually lifts his right leg, so that totally exacerbates the problem. Hard to teach an old pom to lift the other leg.

[Drunk Monk]

"Quality of life" are the three words you never want to hear from your Doctor or Vet. I heard it a lot with my dad. Now we hear it again from our vet.

Jingles is on blood pressure meds and coughing meds, twice daily. It's gotten really hard as he's smart and can sniff out the pills, so we're constantly shifting food to disguise them. Once he finds them, he'll refuse that food, pill or no. We have all the flavors of pill pockets, all on the rejecto list. He suffers from horrible coughing fits, which have on the increase. Small dogs often get constricted or collapsed trachea. He is up several times a night coughing, so we haven't had a decent night's sleep in weeks. He also gets these frightening anxiety attacks where he races about the house, trying to get out any door, for which we have some dog Xanax.

Last Saturday, we took him out to the Jetty, which was closed due to high surf, but he got to walk on the beach a little. Then we had breakfast at Aldo's which has a dog friendly deck that he loves. I played ball with him in our backyard for a half hour or more. We've been doing that regularly and he loves that too. That night, his cough worsened and he started limping really badly on his hind leg. No idea why. Maybe he pulled it jumping off the couch. Maybe he strained it coughing. No more ball or walks until that improves.

My mom will be taking care of him when we go to Spain. She is aware of his conditions, and they have a great relationship. She sleeps with him; My mom's mattress is on the floor, something she did for my Dad, and Jingles loves that he can get on or off her bed without jumping. He also loves to play ball in her house, which is big enough for better ball playing, and my mom takes him on daily walks through the park. She said if he does pass under her care, she'll bury him next to Redbell. I hate to saddle her with this, especially after what she went through with my Dad, but Jingles would never survive a kennel at this point and I'm just not ready to put him down yet.

My mom is doing well on her own, except this morning she set the toaster on fire trying to restore some kettle chips from dinner. Nothing like a kitchen fire to get your day started. I was there last night (the kettle chips were left over from my dinner) and put the fire out as soon as I smelled it. That was a freak accident, but I'm constantly worrying about her mental state - she worries too as a lot of her friends are losing it or lost it already.

Tara is deep in her finals, which has been a struggle this year. She might get her first B ever, in Calculus, which probably doesn't sound that dramatic, but for a top-of-her-class straight A teenager, it's different. I still wince at the memory of telling her that Redbell was passing over Skype when she was in Oaxaca last summer. I'm a mess too. Fortunately, I've got my work under control for my absence, but my Fit is dying from too many trips over HWY17, so my first order of business on my return is getting a new car that I can't afford. Stacy is handling it as well as to be expected - she's the stable one. Should Jingles survive our trip (it's the longest we've ever been away from him), we will have to judge his 'quality of life' and decide what steps must be taken next.

[lady_cranefly]

We're probably the closest to your mom right now and we could help her if she needs it. Think about it.

law

[Drunk Monk]

My cousins are really close - they are in S'vale too, just one suburban track away. My mom will be joining them for Xmas this year. They are also our texting contact as my mom doesn't text. But they will be away for the weekend of NYE.

I'll let my mom know.

[thatguy]

my first order of business on my return is getting a new car that I can't afford

I just bought a friend's Yamaha cruiser, so I'll eventually be selling my Suzuki GS 500 if you swing that way.

--tg

[Drunk Monk]

I'm looking for something AWD as in 4 wheel drive...with 4 wheels. But that's next year's quest. One issue at a time.