The Rough Draft of the Film Memoir by Greg

[Greg]

I decided I wanted to be done with the copy edit so I spent the weekend bull rushing the last 40 pages.

It is now in a fashion where people can read it. If any of you have the time and would do me the honor of reading it, I would be most appreciative.

[cranefly]

Yes, I'd be up for that.

How deep should I read?  Just overall impressions, questions, suggestions, etc.?  Or hit grammar, typos, etc., as well?  If the latter, it would probably be better to get it in word.

If just the former, it could be either Word or pdf.

[Drunk Monk]

I’ll read it after cf and correct his corrections, just for old times sake. Or I’ll just butcher it more because cf can’t be the only word butcher of DOOM. 

Srsly tho - happy to give it a pass.

[Dr. Ivor Yeti]

I’ll give it a read if you like.

[Greg]

Query letters. Query letters. Query letters.

Half of them get bounced back. Of the ones that get bounced back, half are because I can't spell. The other half because literary agents are sneaky.

[Dr. Ivor Yeti]

Since it’s just us chickens here, lemme ask you: Who is this book for? Why this book? I’m at page 38 or so. What I have is a chronological series of set construction vignettes. What is the overarching theme? Is this a Filmmaking 101? An expose of Idiocy in Hollywood? Is this your Boulevard of Broken Dreams?

[Greg]

I'm pointing the book at people who want to see another side of how films are made. I want to partially answer in some small way what do those people do whose names appear in the credits. And it is pastiche of all those things you mention. Yes, it is Construction 101. Yes, it is an expose of idiocy. Plus, it's my journey from apprentice carpenter to General Foreman to ignominy.

As one of the chickens, are you suggesting I put in a stronger narrative through-line in there?

[Dr. Ivor Yeti]

Yup. I can’t sense a purpose behind the narrative. If it is to educate people like me who are fundamentally ignorant of how the business works, maybe more explanation, or comparing the myths of your business with the realities?

If it is to highlight your journey, then I would need to know more about *you*, why you undertook this journey, what epiphanies did you have, regrets, etc.

---

You found a theme for the Stro doc, and it made a big difference, I thought.

[Greg]

Very good. I thought it was about my journey with tidbits of film culture thrown in. But I will endeavor to be more explicit.

[Dr. Ivor Yeti]

I think the reader would want to know who you are at the beginning of the journey so that they can watch you change into who you are now.

[Drunk Monk]

Hold the phone. This book isn't about DM & the Yeti?

[Greg]

Sadly, no.

[Dr. Ivor Yeti]

DM & The Knickerbockers?

[Drunk Monk]

Wherefore my bowels shall sound like an harp for Moab, and mine inward parts for Kirharesh. Isiah 16:11 KJV

Just thought I'd drop this in regards to Sundown: The Vampire in Retreat.

I remember when you went to Moab. I came across this Biblical passage shortly after and it has always stuck with me. Biblical bowel harp sounds. Luv that. I should go to Moab and make some bowel harp sounds. 

That being said, the Yeti has already spoiled your book for me. Right now, you're recounting tales and that's a good foundation, but there needs to be more color to engage the reader beyond your general writing tone and experiences. Both of those are good, but it needs more. More character development would help. You might not be the only one who can't remember where they saw Sid Haig - fill in those gaps with amusing references. Right now it feels like a framework. You've got to bring more fun into it somehow to keep your reader engaged. 

And it sorely needs more intro. We know who you are but our readers don't yet. Talk about your home movies (starring DM & the Yeti). Talk about film school. Talk about your fav films growing up. Everybody loves movies so play that card like aces and eights. 

Mind you, I've not gotten very far. Just at Medium Rare. I know, I know, that's barely scratching the surface but it's deeper than a cf poster review. 

[Greg]

Noted. We can all agree it needs an intro. Which I have rattling around in my brain at the moment.