My job is really weird sometimes...

[Greg_phpbb3_import1]

Maybe we are all dumbstruck by the visuals? Not that I would be able to visualize anything in that type of emporium, because I wouldn't have the frame of reference. But I'm sure you gentleman could. And when you did, that's when the dumbstruck occurred.

[Dr. Ivor Yeti]

Sorry, but it just isn't all that remarkable. You can walk into a boutique here in the Mission district and look at their "Vibrators through the ages" collection (which is both comprehensive and scary; some of those babies look like they take 220 volts). Sorry, but we really need more to work with here. Sheep, perhaps?

[The Queen]

Do you suppose they discount used/returned items??? I mean, is that the sort of item that you want to purchase "pre-owned"?

[Dr. Ivor Yeti]

eBay. Think about it, shudder, then don't think about it ever again.

[cranefly]

Normally I work from home. But I had to go into work today. Something about the importance of becoming more visible to my colleagues. You know, so they know I exist. I don't have a cubicle, but my manager Carol told me to use hers.
So I went in.
Or tried to.
There were secret service agents swarming the parking lot, so I drove around back. Even though I'm an "employee," I couldn't park anywhere on the premises, not even at the top of the fucking parking garage. I finally just went home rather than deal with the circus.

Politicians. Always playing their games.

Carol tells me that Hillary didn't finish her cheese pizza, and it was sitting up on the counter waiting for someone to finish off.

Wow. I could have shared saliva with Hillary.

--cranefly

P.S. Here's a link.

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[Drunk Monk]

...better than sharing cigars with Bill.

"It tastes good!"

[cranefly]

So our first big customer gives our company a call. They've been building "the factory." Bigger than a football stadium. We'll be supplying "the stuff that goes inside." Me, I'm in charge of the specs. You know, prying the info out of the engineers to put in a document. There's maybe 8 of us involved, but I'm in charge. And it hasn't gone well and we're running a couple weeks late.

Anyway, our first big customer calls, and they say they aren't ready for the shipment of our stuff. In fact, they won't be ready for another three months. It takes us a while to learn from them what the problem is. A monsoon paid them a visit.

They didn't have the roof on.

It's still not clear whether we will be held accountable. They had stopped building to await the specs that tell them how to build.

Oops...

[The Queen]

I think I may need to get one or two of these and install in the marketing department the next time they bring me back to Chicago for a meeting.

http://www.thinkgeek.com/gadgets/electro...?cpg=13105

[Drunk Monk]

Our fire alarm started beeping because the battery was low. My family thought it would be funny to put it under my pillow last night since I was out late, working at the Fillmore. It never beeped. I didn't find it until morning when I reached under the pillow purely by accident. I mentioned the beeper and my kid now wants one for her birthday.

[Drunk Monk]

As some of you may realize, CF and LCF, they work for me. Seriously. I send them a monthly paycheck. I do this so they can help me copyedit. Copyediting in the martial arts is a dreadful thing. There are cultural elements, egomaniacs, translation issues and a whole horde of really horrible writers. I do a fair amount of copyediting too, sometimes a pre-copyediting pass and a post-copyediting pass, just to try to hammer some of these monsters into shape. So I get this offer to copyedit a book for a qigong master that I do not like - this master saw my skepticism of him the moment we met and told me I had a 'waterfall of qi' pouring out of my face and he'd never seen that before and didn't know of anyway to help me. It was like this mindfuk curse because I was actually in a bad way at the time. Anyway, the manuscript is about 120 pages double-spaced, and it's a recipe for building a cult. It's qigong psycho, akin to how PRC views Falun Gong. There were already two, maybe three editors, who worked on it, so I had notes, both digital and handwritten. One bailed out - she really tried but you can read in her comments how it's messing with her. She wants to beleive but the bullshitomer is honking like a fire alarm under your pillow. He even has a paragraph on how one of his past employees mystically got a great job (due to his qi influence) and had to leave. She probably ran like hell offering that as an excuse. There's some downright scary psychotrips in this one. It's a total manifesto. One of my favorite pre-edits is a change of reference from FBI to CIA. Brimming with uncited qi anecdotes and accusations against science for being bound by three-dimensional philosophies. The sentence structure and psycho babble put many to shame. Anyway, it was utt$ so that's cool. I did the best that I could, given the nature of the beast. I'd feel awful guilty if this guy goes on to lead some suicide cult or something. :oops:

[Drunk Monk]

he cursed me last night. after i finished the copyedit and got off the above email, i watched some snl to unwind. since i was up late the night before, i was pretty tired (still am), so it was only a few minutes until i was ready to turn in. i got to bed and was seized by shivers. i couldn't do anything for several minutes by lie curled up in a ball, trying to breathe. it was like he was sucking out my qi from a distance, like he knew. dark arts qigong. i fought it off by pulling from my own qigong, which i practice every day now. it's the only thing that keeps my neck from knotting apart from medication. anyway, i found my center and was able to escape. i'm going to do a counter - and a.a;rle././9

[Haggis Killer]

I dunno what those mumbo-jumbo keystrokes at the end were supposed to signify, but I'm betting you can kick his ass from a good 250 miles. Where is this fool, anyway? C'mon, DM; you kick guys tougher than this in the balls, fer chrissake.

So he's working his little doomsday cult mojo. You got The Brotherhood at your back, dude. Doesn't get Doom-y-er than that.

You go, bro.

[Drunk Monk]

Sorry for the quick exit. I had to attend to something and thought it might add a dramatic note, kind of Joseph of Arimathea...

Anyway, I'm on top of it now, methinks. I meant to grab a protective talisman on the way to work this morn, but it's cool, I can do with out. Tomorrow I'll do a New Year's cleaning, maybe smudge the house (I've got some nice gifted wild white sage), and try to catch some of the Sugarbowl. All my HI relatives are going lolo, so I need to check in with this. That should be sufficient. I can to the whole protection against dark arts trip. If Potter had gone to book 8, I could have made the next protection against dark arts professor.

Got me thinking about the DOOMCARD, brothers and sisters. What if one of us really did play the DOOMCARD? Everyone still got their ninja suits? If not, check in with me, the Official DOOMNINJA outfitter. DOOM comes together like Voltron, like the Seven Samurai, Save the Cheerleader, Destroy the Ring, that sort of thing. Sounds like the making of a great comic sci-fi adventure film, eh? Whose going to tell that tell? Our animator? Our artists and writers? Our musicians? Our screenwriter?

OK, maybe my head still isn't straight from the qigong attack... Any of the rest of you have to work today?

[cranefly]

Well, DM, I'd like to say I've got your back, but that dark arts practitioner fires scattershot, and he hit me in the spray. I had chills too, came down with a cold, and then my back went out.

I'm recovering now. Hopefully you can fend off further curses. If not, I better take out life insurance.

--cranefly

P.S. Nope, didn't have to work today.

[Haggis Killer]

What is that?