08-14-2024, 11:01 PM
Conan the Destroyer
Just rewatched for Grace Jones who remains totally awesome in this film. It’s worth it just to see her psycho grin after she stabs a downed opponent. And it’s weirdly comforting to know that her gloriously tight booty holds up until she’s 76. Forty years later, that booty is still tight.
The rest of the film, not so much. The cast has got to be the stiffest squad ever. It’s almost as if the governator is mocking himself; he acting is completely absent (don’t get me started on Wilt). Sarah Douglas is a good villainess, but she’s only got one note to play here. Mako is the same as ever, as is Tracey Walter. I remember crushing on Olivia D’Abo as a teen, but that has completely evaporated now. She’s hardly eye candy anymore.
The story is plodding and the sword fights endorse the ‘too much muscle makes you slow’ theory. It’s awful choreo with Arnie constantly adopting a saber 6th guard just to flex his bicep. No one looks like they’re cutting, or even just chopping and hacking. The sword blows all feel dull and awkward.
I will give Fleischer & De Laurentiis props for some great sets. The environment sets are spectacular real world locations with exotic geography. And the sets are big and cartoonish, but solid state, constructed in an almost caricature fantasy, yet workable. In that regard, it’s cool and cinematic.
Pretty sure they tripped a lot of horses, and I hate that. Some go down hard and knowing it’s real is a downer.
None of this stands the test of time except Grace, who somehow excels, totally committed to her caricature role. She makes it work on her own terms.
Not D00M recommended anymore, unless you just wanna see Grace. She’s so great.
Just rewatched for Grace Jones who remains totally awesome in this film. It’s worth it just to see her psycho grin after she stabs a downed opponent. And it’s weirdly comforting to know that her gloriously tight booty holds up until she’s 76. Forty years later, that booty is still tight.
The rest of the film, not so much. The cast has got to be the stiffest squad ever. It’s almost as if the governator is mocking himself; he acting is completely absent (don’t get me started on Wilt). Sarah Douglas is a good villainess, but she’s only got one note to play here. Mako is the same as ever, as is Tracey Walter. I remember crushing on Olivia D’Abo as a teen, but that has completely evaporated now. She’s hardly eye candy anymore.
The story is plodding and the sword fights endorse the ‘too much muscle makes you slow’ theory. It’s awful choreo with Arnie constantly adopting a saber 6th guard just to flex his bicep. No one looks like they’re cutting, or even just chopping and hacking. The sword blows all feel dull and awkward.
I will give Fleischer & De Laurentiis props for some great sets. The environment sets are spectacular real world locations with exotic geography. And the sets are big and cartoonish, but solid state, constructed in an almost caricature fantasy, yet workable. In that regard, it’s cool and cinematic.
Pretty sure they tripped a lot of horses, and I hate that. Some go down hard and knowing it’s real is a downer.
None of this stands the test of time except Grace, who somehow excels, totally committed to her caricature role. She makes it work on her own terms.
Not D00M recommended anymore, unless you just wanna see Grace. She’s so great.
Shadow boxing the apocalypse