10-03-2020, 12:53 AM
(This post was last modified: 10-03-2020, 12:55 AM by Drunk Monk.)
Wherefore my bowels shall sound like an harp for Moab, and mine inward parts for Kirharesh. Isiah 16:11 KJV
Just thought I'd drop this in regards to Sundown: The Vampire in Retreat.
I remember when you went to Moab. I came across this Biblical passage shortly after and it has always stuck with me. Biblical bowel harp sounds. Luv that. I should go to Moab and make some bowel harp sounds.
That being said, the Yeti has already spoiled your book for me. Right now, you're recounting tales and that's a good foundation, but there needs to be more color to engage the reader beyond your general writing tone and experiences. Both of those are good, but it needs more. More character development would help. You might not be the only one who can't remember where they saw Sid Haig - fill in those gaps with amusing references. Right now it feels like a framework. You've got to bring more fun into it somehow to keep your reader engaged.
And it sorely needs more intro. We know who you are but our readers don't yet. Talk about your home movies (starring DM & the Yeti). Talk about film school. Talk about your fav films growing up. Everybody loves movies so play that card like aces and eights.
Mind you, I've not gotten very far. Just at Medium Rare. I know, I know, that's barely scratching the surface but it's deeper than a cf poster review.
Just thought I'd drop this in regards to Sundown: The Vampire in Retreat.
I remember when you went to Moab. I came across this Biblical passage shortly after and it has always stuck with me. Biblical bowel harp sounds. Luv that. I should go to Moab and make some bowel harp sounds.
That being said, the Yeti has already spoiled your book for me. Right now, you're recounting tales and that's a good foundation, but there needs to be more color to engage the reader beyond your general writing tone and experiences. Both of those are good, but it needs more. More character development would help. You might not be the only one who can't remember where they saw Sid Haig - fill in those gaps with amusing references. Right now it feels like a framework. You've got to bring more fun into it somehow to keep your reader engaged.
And it sorely needs more intro. We know who you are but our readers don't yet. Talk about your home movies (starring DM & the Yeti). Talk about film school. Talk about your fav films growing up. Everybody loves movies so play that card like aces and eights.
Mind you, I've not gotten very far. Just at Medium Rare. I know, I know, that's barely scratching the surface but it's deeper than a cf poster review.
Shadow boxing the apocalypse