my mom

[Drunk Monk]

Nobody even mentioned proxy.  No one.  You'd think proxy would be a key concept for some doctor or social worker to bring up, especially when the patient is so narcotized with opiates she can't think straight.  

Today was hard. Two appointments - her primary care physician and a spine specialist.  There was thought of a cortisone injection, but cort inhibits bone growth and healing, which is exactly what her vertebrae needs to do. So that was a dumb thought.  I actually knew this.  Back when cortisone was first introduced, I used it on some massive mosquito bites I got during one of my Hawaii visits as a child.  I was bathing in it because I had like 4 dozen bites.  Then the bone growth inhibition issue emerged and it was pulled off the market, and a much lower dose version was offered.  I remember reading about that and thinking, 'well, crap. damage done.'

My mom is now in quite severe pain from exhaustion and all the poking and prodding.  I can hear her wincing and gasping from it, but I don't want to engage because she'll ask me for pain meds, and she's at her max dose already.  

It's harsh. 

Happy birthday to me.

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I remembered she hadn't refreshed her lidocaine patch, so I went to get one to help alleviate the stress caused by today's appts.  In the time between telling her we would redo the patch and me getting it, she fell asleep.  That's a good thing.  A great thing actually.  I'm trying to reduce her meds as much as possible and it's always best to sleep it off.

I think I'll open Stacy's gift next.  Tara sent one too, but to the bungalow.  Stacy will bring it to me tomorrow.  I'm going to pour myself a shot of my dad's dwindling cache of JD, which I only drink in his honor, and wish myself a happy birthday.