Iron Crotch

[Greg]

Never forget:


不是她那边塞住的鸡,因为她年纪大以后
It's not the chicken stuffed in her side, because when she gets older

她松了,松掉,所以她把她练的口要变成收紧
She was loose, so she had to tighten her mouth.

[Greg]

所以中国人画很多猫笔
So Chinese people draw a lot of cat pens

[Greg]

I have made the decisions to release a Cut and Uncut version of Iron Crotch.

[thatguy]

I have made the decisions to release a Cut and Uncut version of Iron Crotch.

Will there be a Director's Cut a la Zach Snyder, also?

--tg

[Dr. Ivor Yeti]

I have made the decisions to release a Cut and Uncut version of Iron Crotch.

I see what you did there.

[Greg]

Will there be a Director's Cut a la Zach Snyder, also?

--tg

Yes, I will definitely release a bloated four hour version that doesn't add anything to the narrative. In black and white, of course.

[Drunk Monk]

Bloated Iron Crotch


Yeah, that’ll sell…

[Greg]

Welcome to my AAAARRRRGGGHH chat.

Movies are all about frame rates. How many frames a second is your film passing before your eyes. There are all different sorts of frame rates. Europeans decided they like a different frame rate than ours. But it is all frame rates. The standard is 23.97 frames per second. If you do video, it's 29.97. Still frames. Frames. All day long. Frames.

I'm putting together a file to add captions to the film. It's called a .srt file or subRip. The .srt file uses milliseconds instead of frames. Because of course they do. I can find no explanation why this standard file isn't written to accept frame rates. They can fuck all the way off.

[Greg]

Think the slogan for the movie might be "It's going to be all Penises and Vaginas all night long"

I'm expecting that call from HR any time about all my discussions with the translator where all I talk about with the translator is semen and penises and vaginas and sex positions

[Drunk Monk]

I’m curious how this might affect (effect?) your social media. My SityourFacebook always knows what’s up and adjusts my ads accordingly. Lately it’s been all about female pro wrestlers. I don’t know why.

[Greg]

Every time I send off a letter to the Tus and don't hear back for a couple of days, I always feel like they have had enough of me and there will be no more filming. That's what I've been going through the last couple of days. I sent an email into the void Friday complete with a bunch of notes of what I wanted to redo to a vast amount of silence.

Thankfully, the silence broke this morning. We are all good for filming next week. More interviews. I get to photograph some paintings he has made especially for the film. We are going to do the calligraphy again. And I get to film his morning exercise routine.

Don't call me Monday and Tuesday. I have plans.

[Greg]

Another really good day with Team Tu. Julie was back from her trip to Vietnam so I got to catch up with her for a bit. Sandy helped me unload the gear from car which I tried to stop but she refused. We filmed from 11am to 5:30 with a break for lunch. The reason it took so long was because Gm Tu did about twenty paintings especially for the film about his childhood. We filmed each one while he told stories about what they represented. Then I filmed close ups of elements of each painting and then I photographed each painting. We finished the day filming and discussing the Qigong sex position paintings. For puritan me, it was a tad embarrassing to see these graphic depictions while surrounded by others, but I soldiered on.

All this good feeling vanished when I realized that I did not focus one of my cameras properly and I will now get to ask the GM Tu to film again the first thirty questions of the interview. I'm covered if he says 'no' because my B camera was in focus and I can use that footage. The angle isn't quite as good from that side but I can use it. I spent all night thinking about it.

[Drunk Monk]

Wait. Isn’t this already a do over?

[Greg]

And your point?

To be fair, Mrs. GM Tu wanted the do over. I came down to film the paintings.

[Drunk Monk]

How many do overs do you get?