The Shaolin Zone

[Greg]

We should have put an Apple ID tracker in your bag to show where you are.

[Drunk Monk]

I wonder if that would’ve worked.

I’m now in Taiyuan airport, the main hub of Taipei, charging my phone and using the airport wifi in the tourist rest area. Had a bit of a scare because there was no China Southern Air counter for my next flight but was then told it won’t open for another 3 hours. I’ll try to change some money to yuan soon and see if my credit card works for breakfast. This is a pleasant airport rn (it’s 6am locally) chaotic because there’s not much English, just Chinese, and crowded in spots.

EVA air was a nice flight. Decent food although they served dinner at 2 am pst and I preordered the Indian veg and just came from a big Indian dinner with my family. Slept most of the flight. Watched Godzilla v Kong and Blackpink: the movie (don’t you even judge me you judgey judgey beyotches). I feel ok given the circumstances. 

I could easily hop the MTA into Taipei but I’m conserving my energy for things to come. I’m pretty bleary and don’t trust my reflexes right now, traveling alone, ya know? Here I become just another of the Chinese masses too stupid to speak the language.

[Greg]

You could be looking up Master Tu's Taipei digs!

Rest up.

[Drunk Monk]

There’s a famous weapon collector in Taiwan and Jonny said he’d look for a contact, but he barely got the camera card to me (not to mention the embroidered shirt). If I had the chance, I’d head to the National museum but I’m told it isn’t easy to get to from the MTA (Taiwan’s Bart).

The money changer talked me out of changing money because I’d get charged twice - USD > Taiwan > RMB and the rates aren’t good.

[Drunk Monk]

About to board my 2nd & final outgoing flight. Taiyuan is a beautiful airport - very clean with workers constantly sanitizing and lots of interesting spaces to wait. I have a much longer layover here on my return but there’s plenty to keep me occupied. 

I will try reach out from China to see what platform works best. Might be a while before I can find wifi.

[Dr. Ivor Yeti]

Good luck and Godspeed.

[Drunk Monk]

I have been picked up by Decheng’s student successfully. Headed to his school in Luohe. He’s given me access to his wifi hotspot.

China is so green now. The reforestation project is amazing. So many trees, all in neat order.

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Looks like all my social networks are blocked except tiktok, including gmail. So glad I set up a hotmail account. 

I can text with wifi. My international roaming doesn’t seem to work though but that’s just as well because it costs 25 cents a text and people are always texting me random crap. 

Just gotta keep finding wifi. 

D00M works obvs, and that’s all that counts, right?

[Drunk Monk]

Had a wonderful visit with my Shifu at his new school in Luohe which is phenomenal. It’s fully loaded. Kung fu main floor, tai chi room, Chan meditation room, music room, tea room, calligraphy room, 2 kids classrooms, lockers, showers, bunk beds for foreigners, wifi, temperature controlling air filters, purified water dispensers with temp control (for tea), cafeteria - three floors - it’s like the fantasy dream school that every master wishes he could build. 

I'm housed in the Jin Feng Huang Hotel rm 1615, a 4 star in Luohe that overlooks some sort of amusement park that is all neon and excitement. If I had the juice, I’d be down. There but I’ve been on the move for the past 48 hours straight and I must pace myself. This room is stunningly beautiful, so modern yet classical decor. I think it translates into golden phoenix. I'm going to take a shower and crash. Been a long road

[Greg]

Glad you made it. Glad you have internet to the west.

[Drunk Monk]

I change hotels today so I don’t know if the wifi will hold.

I have a favor to ask. Please search for ‘Kung Fu Dork’ ‘dieter Wagner’ and see if you can find an email from him. I don’t have his email on this new account. He’s messaging me on WeChat but o can’t respond (I made one final try to unblock myself there but it failed). If you can find an email, please send it to me. I think he has a website & Etsy.

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Never mind. I sorted Dieter’s email. Google search doesn’t work either. 
I move to a DengFeng hotel today. I don’t know what the wifi will be like so I may get cut off.

[Greg]

dieter@kungfudorkstudios.com

[Drunk Monk]

Sorted that. Thanks tho.

I remembered I hyperlinked him in my KFM article about the Shaolin Games last November. I am delighted to discover that KFM is NOT blocked here; neither is the KFM forum (bits that’s in sore need of an update so I haven’t tried posting on it yet - maybe later). 

Alright I’m really going to try and snatch my one more circadian sleep cycle before breakfast. I got 3 solids in already but I wake between cycles. It’s 4 am rn…

[thatguy]

Because of the timing, I thought it might have been DM, but no...

https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/c9r3lr2l4zxo

Man caught smuggling 100 snakes in his trousers into China
Tom McArthur

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By Tom McArthur, BBC News

A man tried to smuggle more than 100 live snakes into mainland China by stuffing them in his trousers, according to custom officials.
The unnamed traveller was stopped after passing through the "nothing to declare" gate at the crossing between semi-autonomous Hong Kong and the city of Shenzhen, officials said.

Upon inspection, he had 104 snakes in “six canvas drawstring bags" inside his trousers, a statement from China Customs said.
“Each bag was found to contain living snakes in all kinds of shapes, sizes and colours,” it added.

Video released by Chinese customs shows a pair of agents peering into transparent plastic bags filled with live red, pink and white snakes.
They were mostly small, but it is a large and squirmy haul of slithering reptiles for anyone to carry in their trousers.

Strict biosecurity and disease control laws forbid people from bringing in non-native species without permission into the country.

“Those who break the rules will be… held liable in accordance with the law,” the customs authority said, without specifying the man’s punishment.
In 2023 at the same crossing point, a woman was stopped trying to smuggle in five snakes hidden inside her bra.

China is one of the world’s biggest animal trafficking hubs and authorities have been cracking down on the shady trade in recent years.

--tg

[Drunk Monk]

Good one tg. And a fair cop.

I got a little more sleep but gave up around 6am. Made some lovely bilochun green tea and sorted my stuff (some repacking). Been reading some of the ample tourist material provided in my room. There’s a famous restaurant nearby named (and this is their translation) Large tree flesh of a donkey shop. It specializes in traditional medicinal donkey dishes. Yum.

I did have a delicious chicken mushroom rice with cheese on my second flight. Glad I ‘retrained’ my carniverousness. Last night was the Luohe version of Peking duck. There was an egg substitute which my Shifu ate and I did likewise. We are in the school cafeteria with the French students. Shifu showed us how to properly roll a Peking duck burrito. The first time I came to China in ‘92 we had ample Peking duck and I loved it. All these years was eating it wrong.

[Drunk Monk]

Breakfast was amazing. I forgot how good a Chinese breakfast buffet can be. So many exotic veggies, like that just looks like a steamed weed but so tasty, lots of sneaky peppers, also a lot of this local specialty ham sausage too (but abstained from that). I ate too many scallion pancakes and egg custard tarts. 

I was going to walkabout a bit before meeting Shifu but now I’m just going to rest and digest.

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I’m really digging the hotel aesthetic - ancient phoenix designs are everywhere and the furniture is all solid hardwood with imperial motifs. I think I’m in a deluxe room and that it’s about $40+ a night, including that all you can eat breakfast buffet. It’s much nicer than where we stayed in Vegas last month, and far cheaper.