Qi Vampire Attack

[Greg_phpbb3_import1]

When I was up in Carmel, I was attacked by the Vampire. He thought I was competent and he had big plans and really wanted to work with me. One of the things I did for him was to film this ceremony where he had his decorative wine barrel (for some reason he wants it referred to as an artifact. LOOK IT UP IN WIKIPEDIA!) blessed by the Bishop of Monterrey. I was even cool enough to film it from two angles, because, well, I had two cameras. This Vampire was also the one who brought the photographer who wanted to punch me.

Anyway we had a meeting at his offices and he laid out this weird scenario for retail that he wanted me to be a part of. I even got to sign an Non Disclosure agreement. He spent a lot of time convincing me of his bonifides by showing pictures of the famous people he dealt with and their business cards. All the time, I kept thinking where does the photographer/vidoegrapher fit into this scheme.

He also had a project for the barrel and Father Serra he wanted me involved in. Again where does Greg fit into all of this? Eventually, he got to the bit about needing the video edited so he could send it off to the money people. Ah. I already showed him a quick cut which he thought was very close. All I would have to do was add in some more pictures from the punching photographer.

Sure. Fine. Whatever.

At this event, I also had negotiated with Bishop Garcia, the Bishop of Monterrey, to take a photo before mass in front of the church with all the visiting Bishops and Cardinal Roger Mahoney. It was a pretty big opportunity because you don't usually see that many together. So when the time came, I told everybody else not to photograph the event. This where the punching photographer got his panties in a wad. So, I ended up with the only good photograph.

I cut the film and show it to him. He thinks it is great. Perfect. Except for a million little different things he wants done. I eventually tell him enough is enough. I also get a long email with the changes. Plus, he begs me to put in the photo of the Bishops because he thinks it will really help our cause selling the plan to a big bank. I demur. I also demur on a bunch of other changes. But I cut it up and put it on youtube for private distribution.

He calls me that night to talk about the edit. He likes it. But then he tells me he will call back in two minutes. That was six days ago. Not a word. Not an email.

First off, glad I didn't put the cool photo in the video. Second kind of pissed there hasn't been any contact, because I still hold the slim hope their might be some pay around this guy (No, there won't. How many times do I have to run this through your brain?) I'm considering disconnecting the link on youtube to see if I will get a reaction. Then again, I should probably just let it go and get a bandaid for my wounds.

[cranefly]

A bandage and maybe some scar reducing cream.

And no, I'm not making light of your qi vampire attack. May his teeth get stuck in the bar of gold he seeks.

[Drunk Monk]

Honestly, you really should. That film is gospel.



I can foresee a long future for this here thread.

[Greg_phpbb3_import1]

Cindi mentioned to one of our neighbors that I'm a photographer after he mentioned he needed some photography assistance. Long story longer, he's a musician and is getting ready to release an album. He had a band back in the 1980's that had some local radio airplay. He even has Weird Al naming one of his songs as the most underrated funny songs he has heard. As we talked the other day, he casually name dropped his friend, John Densmore.

Still getting longer. I agree to help him make a video, which is now done. But he has my number and likes to call. We are gearing up to make the next video.

But it has brought something to my attention in the world of Qi Vampires. Much like blood types, some of us are universal donors and some of us are universal recipients.

If you'll excuse me , I have to go to a meeting down the street to make my next donation.

[Dr. Ivor Yeti]

While you are out, could you pick up some stuff to make a new work bench? And then make the work bench? and then drive up here and install the work bench? Thanks!

-Qi Vampire Yeti.

[Greg_phpbb3_import1]

The prosecution rests, your honor.

[Drunk Monk]

When visiting Victory, bring a few extra soy sauce packets to sprinkle like holy water. It befuddles yeti qi vampires.

[Greg_phpbb3_import1]

Why yes, I'm going back to see my Mallorcan Vampire tonight. I guess I will be filming the Olsen's twins mother, McKenzie.

[Drunk Monk]

The remedy for a Mallorcan-introduced Olsen-twin qi-vampire stepmom is....


crap, i got nothing. you are going to your doom.


mt096 mt096

[Dr. Ivor Yeti]

Yup. Doomed.

[Greg_phpbb3_import1]

I asked the Queen if she wanted to join me on my excursion with the MEG (Mitziker Entertainment Group. They did the 1984 Olympics!) vampire since there were going to be three press passes for the evening's events. She told me only one of us had to be foolish.

I got the call from the MEG vampire while out with the Rocker vampire. We were visiting a homemade castle in Glendorra, CA in the hopes of using it for an upcoming music video. Even before visiting the castle I was pretty sure the place wouldn't work for our video which takes place in the DMV. But when you are under the geas of the Vampire, you do what you have to do.

I was quite surprised by the MEG call. Especially since it had been over two months since he had told me he would call me right back. But I called him back and he told me about the night time project. He needed a slave, I mean videographer to film MacKenzie Olsen step-mom of the Olsen twins as she prepared for a red carpet event in Beverly Hills. The focus would be on an up and coming clothing designer, Andre. Andre's goal was to dress 30 women in thirty days for the Oscar Ceremony. Mackenzie wanted a sizzle reel to show to networks in the hopes of making a show out of this adventure.

As an aside, it is currently about 30 days until the Oscar Telecast. If you wanted to make this show, you would already be in production. You wouldn't be in the early stages of trying to sell this to the networks. That is just my opinion.

I agreed to do this because as the Queen pointed out, I am a fool. And two, because it sounded like fun to get a peek into that Hollywood-Beverly Hills alternate reality. I thought the possibility of anything coming of this, much less the buckets of money the vampire was intimating, were minimal. The Vampire did tell me on two occasions that the last show the Lady sold to Bravo was for 23 million.

The first problem was that it was happening in just a few hours. This meant wrapping up the extensive castle tour and getting home to prep the gear. The Queen was having fun with the legal system as a jurist so I also had a dogwalk on my agenda. I also had to add in commute time since a minimal amount of moisture was dampening the streets. Moisture plus drivers in Los Angeles usually equates to disaster.

But I did my work, charged my batteries, found my SD cards, and dug out my diffusion gels for any lights, loaded up the car, and headed up the road to Burbank. Naturally, being over prepared meant I made it to Burbank in record time and arrived at MEG headquarters fifteen minutes early. I was parked in the conference room while the Vampire was finishing up a contract for the evening's festivities. And I waited. I checked facebook. I looked at the plans on the walls for upcoming MEG projects. I read the poster about the Sagrada Familia. There was even some Santa Anna project dated 2006.

We were supposed to be at the house by 5:30 to film our lady getting dressed by the designer. Yet, at 5:35 the Vampire was still typing away in the office. The secretary and I chatted a bit. I overheard her talk to the big MEG boss about Disneyland and the high cost of entering the park these days. I heard the Vampire talk on his phone to somebody the secretary guessed was our lady. Turned out to be correct, because when the Vampire came in to the conference room, he said the lady wouldn't be home until 6:00. He also gave me the contract to look over.

Why am I reading the contract? I have no idea. But I dutifully go over it understanding very little. It mainly details how the Vampire and the Lady are going to split up any money involved in this endeavor. Interestingly, no mention is made of how the videographer will be paid and what role he will play in this grand new company. I noticed one odd thing in the contract but it was minor. But the vampire got all excited and started typing the contract anew like I had let him in on some grand contract insight.

We were supposed to be in Toluca Lake, a ritzy section of Burbank, by 6 and yet we were still printing out the contracts at 6:05. Maybe the Hollywood world has a different sense of what being on time means.

The house of the lady lay behind a gate with three other homes, just down the street from Bob Hopes' former 5 acre estate. I could see little rat dogs running around the kitchen even able to jump up and run along the kitchen counters. The producer, a young guy, who I at first mistook for the designer let us in. The lady hid upstairs while I got my cameras. While I set up, the Vampire schmoozed with the lady's children, asking them about their softball workouts and telling the boy he wanted a rematch in some game. All the while the Vampire ate candy from bowls scattered around the house.

I filmed the producer and the Vampire talking about the designer, all very dynamic stuff as we waited for the lady to descend. The designer had yet to arrive. I figured we waited on his arrival before we got fully started.

When the Lady finally did descend from her upstairs room, things fell apart. I went to grab my camera and film the upcoming interaction between Vamp and Lady. I was told by the producer to wait in the kitchen while the grownups talked in the living room in the shadow of the dead Christmas tree. I could hear them plainly, though, and it was easy to surmise the problem.

The Vamp tried to seduce the lady by immediately unzipping his fly and showing his manhood. Or in this case waving a big contract in front of her face and talking about 50-50 splits on upcoming profit participation.

If I piece together the bits I heard, I think the story goes like this: The lady wanted to do a show with the producer and the designer. She wanted to get it started by doing a little filming of the designer getting people ready to go out to events. But in her own Vampiric way she wanted to lock up the Designer with a management contract and had reached out to my Vampire for that type of contract. She also asked him to set up the filming. I don't think she ever intended to let him in on the game. But the Vampire only saw an opportunity and was going to make the most of it. He bragged on the drive over about how he had wormed his way into Hollywood in the short time he had been there.

It became clear that there would be no filming this night. I would have started packing up but my bags were in the living room. Oddly, I was getting text messages the entire time with a FB friend asking me if I wanted to come build some sets in March.

The argument ground down into the fact that the Vampire, and I by association, didn't work for free. How were we to be compensated for our time? The Vamp made a point of saying my time was valuable and how I should be paid. So, as I start to load up my gear, the Lady asks me how much I should be paid for the evening? Well, that just felt icky, getting paid for this circus, so I told her I would chalk it up to experience.

All this time, the Designer has been waiting outside the gate in his car, The lady didn't want us to cross paths with him. And she couldn't get us out of her house fast enough. As I carried my gear to my car, the Lady remarked she hoped we could work together in the future. Ah, the ultimate Hollywood kiss-off given as a going away present. When we pulled out the gate, I could have waved to the Designer.

In the car, the Vampire was confused by the turn of events. He thought the Lady should have thanked him profusely for offering this great opportunity to give him half of her potential money and didn't ken why she didn't. It is hard for one Qi Vampire to understand the motives of another Qi vampire, I guess.

I got a text message from my Qi vampire this morning telling me how sorry he was about the evening and how he was going to make it up to me.

Time to get back to work on the Rocker's video.

[Drunk Monk]

So, as I start to load up my gear, the Lady asks me how much I should be paid for the evening? Well, that just felt icky, getting paid for this circus, so I told her I would chalk it up to experience.

You're dealing with vampires. Icky comes with the territory. Next time, grab the green and run. Otherwise, all you get out of it is a funny DOOM post (which we do appreciate but you have pets to feed).

[cranefly]

DM is right. Having said that, I'd have done the same as you. Talk about being put on the spot.
Maybe when I lost that screenwriting contest, I actually won.

[Greg_phpbb3_import1]

My Mallorcan Vampire called again. I might be adventuring in Beverly Hills tomorrow.

I did yell at him. But obviously, I can't quit him.

[thatguy]

Of course you need a side project...and for this one, the music is already picked out:

<!-- m --><a class="postlink" href="http://www.theymightbegiants.com/news/announcing-the-am-i-awake-video-contest/">http://www.theymightbegiants.com/news/a ... o-contest/</a><!-- m -->

Announcing the Am I Awake? video contest!
Feb 10

PLEASE HELP US SPREAD THE WORD. IF YOU KNOW CREATIVE PEOPLE PLEASE ENCOURAGE THEM TO TAKE PART IN THIS EXPERIMENT IN GOOD TIMES!

They Might Be Giants is making a new compilation album called Idlewild and it includes the magnificent but often overlooked track Am I Awake? To help raise awareness of this great song we’re going to have a video contest open to all video people, film people and general visually-minded people who are open to the challenge! Possibly including YOU!

There will be 3 winners. $1000 cash prize to each winner. Here’s the song: <!-- m --><a class="postlink" href="http://bit.ly/1evUfSB">http://bit.ly/1evUfSB</a><!-- m -->

These are the rules: Awesomeness required. Originality a must. DEADLINE IS APRIL 7th.

What we’d suggest to anyone about to embark on participating in this contest: Poetry, not prose. No see/say. Please make it beautiful, bold, stylish, contemporary, psychedelic, mind-bending. Transparency effects are nice, startling and beautiful imagery is nice, motion graphics can be exciting. Live action, animation, multi-media–anything is possible. If there is any humor we would suggest it should be the deadest of the deadpan. The topic should not be John and John, and representations of the band are discouraged.

All imagery must be original. Incorporating copywriten images will disqualify your work

HOW IT’S JUDGED
All submissions must be uploaded in HD on Vimeo.com with password protection before the contest deadline. You must then send us a message via email to videocontest at tmbg.com and be sure to include a direct link and a password along with your full name, email address, and phone number (strictly for contact purposes should you be chosen as the winner — we promise not to telemarket our t-shirt collection to you).

All judging will be done by the great Judge John Hodgman (the great judge who judged the great Can’t Keep Johnny Down contest that resulted in this transcendently awesome winning video from Bees Knees Film posted below)

GOOD LUCK TO ALL PARTICIPANTS! EXPRESS YOURSELF THROUGH THE MAGIC OF ROCK VIDEO!

Put that dronecam to good use. Think of all the equipment you can buy if you win!

:rock:

--tg