Cleaner (2025)

[Greg]

Wow! Just no. Please no.

I was going to kill a few minutes when I stumbled upon this. It was directed by Martin Campbell, Bond films, and had Daisey Ridley and Clive Owen. It can't be that bad, can it?

Yes, it can. Using the Die Hard template, eco-terrorists take over a building and hold the people hostage. The terrorists are super-cool and all go for wit. But they aren't here to rob the tower, they are actually terrorists. The only one who can save them is the ex-army officer trapped in the building with them. They probably went to Jason Statham first to see if he would do it. The villains spend a lot of time twirling their mustaches and going on about their clever plan.

Every beat of the story is readily apparent. As soon as they said Ridley's brother, also in the building, was a hacker, you knew what he was going to do.

It was all so very bad.

[Drunk Monk]

Ridley starred on Mr. Selfridge. I've been on the fence about this. Now, that I've seen your panning review I know to check it out asap (I kid. I don't got HBO Max)

[thatguy]

"I'm thru the firewall..."

--tg

[Drunk Monk]

I hate this when this happens. I agree with Greg. This was a poorly done flick. 

I’m not hating on it as much as Greg because that’s too much energy to waste. I didn’t find it completely predictable because Owen’s fate was surprisingly early. What bothered me more was that it was riddled with illogical holes. Like just shoot him through the glass. Or that wristband hat trick - just how did that happen exactly? And with such a huge building, why was everyone at the right window all the time? So many holes. Also, I sympathized with the terrorists’ cause and wanted them to win. Worst of all, Daisy didn’t get to flash her charming smile at all - such a waste. If I'm going to watch Daisy, I want that smile, dammit. I did like the cat fight. I think Greg hated on it so much because it implied that MCU fanboys are autistic. 

Not D00M recommended 

Seen on Hoopla

[Greg]

My hate is much more keenly honed than yours.

[Drunk Monk]

I hang out with too many hippies to be so hateful. 

If Daisy just smiled a little more, I’d’ve enjoyed this more.

[Greg]

Tell a woman to smile more. That always goes well.