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Shoe on other foot - Dr. Ivor Yeti - 03-13-2006
This is something that we all have to deal with now (some of us have a head start, others are getting ready to start) and that is: taking care of our deteriorating parents. I am very, very lucky in that my older brother lives with my mom. If he didn't, she would have to go to an assisted living place as her short-term memory and increasing aphasia are making daily living tough. I could help some (and have covered for him on ocassions when he takes a break) but working two jobs would make it tough for me to be there a lot.
It is hard to see this whip-smart, very compassionate woman become, well...old, weak, and forgetful. No worries about my dad, though, since he took himself out of the picture quite some time ago.
What is up with the rest of you? Your situations and how you are handling things?
Shoes - Haggis Killer - 03-15-2006
It's still all ahead for me, but it's certainly something I've been thinking about. My mom is 79, my dad 78. They can still both drive, although they no longer like driving at night. My brothers both live in the same county - Santa Cruz - one very close, one less so.
It's been particularly on my mind this week, as I went to a memorial service for a cousin of my dad's. She was older and certainly had a lot more health problems. My mom and dad were there, but I was the only one of the bros who could make it. It was in Vallejo. A small affair, with about 16 of us there. A bit of extended family, a few of her elderly friends. She had outlived her husband and both of her sons, who'd both suffered from Muscular Dystrophy. I hadn't seen her for years, but my recollection was that their house was always a happy house. Of the two boys, I only got to know one fairly well. He lived to be about 35 or so, which is pretty old for MD. His older brother passed away in his 20s. My cousin Bill - he was about 6 years my senior - was an audiophile. Bound to his wheelchair, he could hear more in a recording than I could ever hope to. He took some music theory classes at a local college, and was the first person I knew who had an equalizer. He's still one of only a few people I've ever met who can use an equalizer and hear a difference in the output. I can't; never could. The last time I saw him, he lent me "Derek and the Dominos". Vinyl. I always felt guilty that I never got it back to him. Now, I'm just glad to have it. His whole family is up on a hill in a nondescript, weedy cemetery in Vallejo. For my memory and experience, that branch of the family now starts and stops right there. I'm glad I know where they are. How many will remember them in 20 years?
My dad went into the hospital a few months ago for some heart stuff. It should have been easy, but the proceedure got fouled up so instead of being overnight, he was in for 4 days. Dicey, but turned out fine.
Of course, the hardest part is that, since I live oh-so-far-away from Santa Cruz, I seldom hear about current events until after the fact. "Oh, did we tell you your dad was in the hospital?" That sort of thing.
All in all though, they're doing great and I feel very fortunate. When the time comes, I fear I'll be that much less prepared.
Preparation - The Queen - 03-16-2006
I'm very lucky that both sets of parents are still comparatively young. Mom's only 66, Dad's 68. My stepdad is 74, but with the exception of some issues with his feet, seems to be in excellent health. Don't know about my stepmother, but I think she's about ten years younger than Dad. Mom's informed me that she's already made all financial and caretaking arrangements for just about anything that can possibly happen to her and where to find the instructions on what to do if/when something should happen. Partly that's because she's just a little anal and a control freak (I come by it honestly but try to let it go as much as possible!), but I think it's also because I live so far away. Probably also because of what she (we) went through with her father: my mom's alcoholic father lived with us for four years after my grandmother passed away. Anyway, she's rather adamant about "not burdening her children."
My brother's always been closer to my father and I've always been closer to my mother. He's moving back to Chicago and will be just minutes away from Dad so I expect that he would get the responsibility of dealing with having to help my father if Dad needed it. I hope I get a long, long time to remain blissfully unprepared for having to deal with any problem with my mom.
They call us the sandwich generation - Drunk Monk - 03-17-2006
Although that really only includes HK, LB and myself, since you need to be sandwiched between your folks and your kids.
With my stroke-handicapped father, I'm down in Sunnyvale every weekend. I'm an only child, if you'll remember. My mom has a lot of friends, and we have a few cousins, one in Sunnyvale, another in SF, but she needs a lot of support. Last week, one of her good friends went into the hospital. That friend is a caretaker too, since her husband is now blind. So my mom wound up having to help drive him around too. My folk's house is in pretty bad shape. There's constantly work to be done. Of course, as all you homeowners know, there's always work at my own home too. It's quite a grind at times.
http://brotherhoodofdoom.com/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=113
The slow decline - Greg_phpbb3_import1 - 03-21-2006
I had the folks here for about twelve hours. The slow decline continues. I didn't get to see my father take his daily regimen of a million pills, but I did leave the room when he did his blood test and diabetes injection.
As for the mom, she can barely get in my car. She has to have something to hold to when she walks. Vanity is still a priority. But I'm sure everyone can tell she's wearing a wig. I say the white Norma Desmond hat looks better.
It's all very surreal. I know when I look at them, I'm seeing my future.
- El Dingo - 03-22-2006
Dee Dee's mom is 75 has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's. She forgets where she is a lot and needs a great deal of care. The decline began a few years ago when we said we were going to England and she asked if we were driving or flying.
My mom and dad are 76 and 79 respectively and we go to Reno with them occasionally. They are as bright as always.
My dad and I still fight but in a good way (we argue over politics and philosophy). My mom sells real estate in Vacaville and earns more than I do. She is a devout Christian and goes to church regularly, but switched churches when the pastor endorsed George Bush. She hates George W.
Ah well, maybe we can all join the same rest home and traumatize the other residents with our books and videos.
I like that idea - Dr. Ivor Yeti - 03-23-2006
...but maybe we should start one now and then by the time we need it, we will have the kinks worked out. Now what should we call it...?
"Curtains" and make it like an 80's chrome and neon meat-market bar.
"Cerbereus Express" and offer a quick check-out.
...?
Can we go now? - Greg_phpbb3_import1 - 04-04-2006
I'm ready for a little lie down.
Watching dirty films with Dad - Greg_phpbb3_import1 - 04-08-2006
My dad is visiting again on yet another thankless Serran jaunt. Father Serra probably had it easier dealing with Indians who only wanted to kill him.
Anyway we saw " A History of Violence" last night on DVD (History of Violence review) Right in the beginning, they had a 69 scene between Viggo Mortenson and Maria Bello. In most instances, especially with how dull this film was I needed some scene to rouse my interest, I would have applauded happily the airing of this act. Especially since Maria Bello was in her cheerleader outfit. But with my dad in the room,it was just creepy. My father shouldn't be watching images of that nature. Shouldn't we have warning labels on material like this so people over a certain age are subjected to this matter when their grown children are in the room? There ought to be a law.
Fortunately, he had nodded off to sleep by the time, the full frontal of Maria came on and the rough sex on the stairs sequence.
I just want to bathe.
(Does this count against the ban on my talking about sex topics here on the site?)
My parent's friends - Drunk Monk - 04-09-2006
They're pulling the plug on one of my parent's old friends. My parents and this couple used to gold together. She became a caretaker like my mom when her husband went blind. A few weeks ago she went into the hospital and has been in an out - she's been in a lot of pain, not eating and suffering from what sounds like a complete renal failure. She's on life support, but asked for them to pull the plug. My mom told me this morning. She's pretty shook up and was going to go visit her this afternoon. The hospital estimates only a few days.
They have one daughter who coincidently works in Fremont. My mom has been helping take her husband to and fro. I'm not sure what my dad thinks. No one is sure what happens next.
Our friend died on Saturday - Drunk Monk - 04-10-2006
I've known that family for 30+ years. I haven't seen them in a long time, but heard a lot about them from my mom and their weekly lunches. Apparently my parents plan to keep their weekly lunch ritual with their blind friend and he's going to make a go of it on his own, with help from his daughter, the neighbors and my mom.
Stacy talked to my mom and said she sounded pretty broken up. This week is Tara's easter break, so my parents will do some sitting, and that should help to cheer them up. Tara and my mom have an annual egg coloring ritual. My mom is really into Easter for some reason; maybe it's the flower arranging...
Bionic Brother - Haggis Killer - 04-10-2006
My oldest brother now has a pacemaker. He's 52. He was diagnosed a couple years back with an allergy to alchohol. Never a big drinker anyway, he's off all alchohol - including cough syrups with alchohol - and feels a great deal better. One of the symptoms of his condition was a slightly enlarged heart. Now, since he's a lawyer, he was pretty happy just to learn he could prove he actually HAD one. Still.
Well, it turns out he was diagnosed with an enlarged heart when he was a wee bairn. My mom just didn't remember to fill him in until a couple of weeks ago.
So, a while back, someone my brother and his wife know died of a sudden heart attack at age 56. My sister in law took this as her cue to get my brother to go see his cardiologist again. She was smart to do so, as it turns out he was quickly diagnosed with arrythmia. He was expecting to do the EKG, then a stress test. Instead, the nurse saw something in the EKG that made her call in the Doctor, who summarily cancelled the stress test and scheduled my brother for surgery.
On Friday last, he went in for one of those fancy pieces of work where all the work is done through a big vein. They went in somewhere around his collar bone. They put in some hardware to correct the arrythmia, and added a pacemaker as back up, in case the arrythmia fixer gets overwhelmed and something more is needed to keep him from going into arrest.
Everything went swell and he was out of the hospital the following day as scheduled. He just wants to get back in the gym now.
That's a good result, considering what happened with my Dad at Christmas time when they were going into his veins with a camera.
So, I've got a bionic brother, now. He'll have the pacemaker for the rest of his days, seems like. Don't know why he wouldn't. They unfortunately did not leave him a way to change the battery himself. I would have liked to have seen a little plastic cover with a phillips screw set in it, mounted to his shoulderblade. Better than a duelling scar, I'm thinking.
The interesting subtext of the whole event for me was the realization of my older brother's mortality. That is a topic I'm entirely unprepared to face.
Now my mom is a multiple caretaker - Drunk Monk - 04-21-2006
Our blind friend is adjusting well so far, but it's only been a week. My mom and dad are commited to coming by to take him to lunch and help him with his errands on a weekly basis. Another friend, who is also a caretaker for her husband helps out too and his daughter is very supportive, of course, but she's up here in Fremont, like me. Easter went really well and my mom put out a fabulous feast. I'll only see her fleetingly this Saturday, but she seems in good spirits, perhaps a little edgy. Hopefully I can spend more time the following week.
One of my old time friends from Rock Med had a quadruple bypass last December. I beleive she has a pacemaker now. I saw her last Saturday and she looked great. She said she still gets tired easily, but her color and posture was lively and her attitude is positive. I've seen a few friends through heart attacks and they've returned to life well with a pacemaker. If your brother got one without having to endure the trauma of a heart attack, he has an excellent chance for a long life.
Rectal Bleeding - Greg_phpbb3_import1 - 07-02-2006
It caught me off guard, too. It wasn't mine, it was my mother's
In her usual approach to medicine, she did nothing about it until it was a critical situation. My mother hates hospitals. It seems people tend to die in them. There is no logic for her phobia. If there was logic, I guess it wouldn't be a phobia. Either way, she doesn't want to go. It's why she hobbles. A little corrective surgery might do a lot for her arthritic knees.
The doctor's had suggested she have sigmoidoscopy. A colonoscopy, only not as deep and you don't have to be sedated. You are supposed to stop taking waferin as well, so you don't screw up the procedure and you have a little solidity in your blood.
Well, she waited and waited and didn't stop taking the waferin for about a month. This meant she got an emergency ride to Kaiser on a Sunday. They figured a colonoscopy at this point would be even better, but they had to wait for the bleeding to subside. If only she'd stopped taking the waferin like they told her.
A lot of sturm and drang, but no bad results. The colonoscopy didn't reveal any cancer, which was the big fear since a couple of my mother's maternal relatives had died from it.
It seems something was interferring with the colon, I believe it was lack of blood flow. So, the doctors are going to knick a little piece off of it to improve circulation. Which brings us to the important part of this story, The Family Reunion cruise to Bermuda is back on. Photos to follow.
Bermuda - Greg_phpbb3_import1 - 07-30-2006
The East Coast's Hawaii. At least the Northeasts, anyway.
My parents went to Bermuda on their Honeymoon. Fifty years later they are taking the family with them to celbrate this event. I'm still not in touch with the idea of my parents having sex, despite the fact I know it occured four times, it's kind of creepy going to a place you know they were making the beast with two backs for hours on end.
The cruise sets sail this Saturday from Philadelphia. I'll be bunking with sister Roberta and godson Zachary. My other sister, Stephanie will be there. She's leaving her hubby behind in favor of her gal pal, eyeore, I mean Gloria. My niece Jenelle and her SO will be coming along with my grandniece, yes grandniece, Jasmyne (I did not mispell, thank you very much) It's going to be a festival of ugly americans and white trash. At least there will be drinking involved and I am bringing multiple cameras.
Maybe I can recreate the classice shot of my mother on the beach my father took those many years ago. I think he wanted a sexy photo of her in that red swim suit. It's too bad he didn't know how to use the camera. Then again, maybe it was a good thing he didn't know how to focus? Creepy.
![[Image: mombermuda.jpg]](http://brotherhoodofdoom.com/Images_Global/greg/mombermuda.jpg)