+- Forums (http://www.brotherhoodofdoom.com/doomForum)
+-- Forum: Doom Computers (http://www.brotherhoodofdoom.com/doomForum/forumdisplay.php?fid=3)
+--- Forum: Links (http://www.brotherhoodofdoom.com/doomForum/forumdisplay.php?fid=8)
+--- Thread: It's my martial arts world (/showthread.php?tid=34)
Ricky Jay... - Drunk Monk - 04-14-2010
...ever read his book Cards as Weapons? One of the best MA books out there.
[youtube]k1ZGIN0UqJE[/youtube]
Re: It's my martial arts world - Greg_phpbb3_import1 - 04-14-2010
Didn't we read that back in HIgh School? I remember having a card throwing contest at MVHS at that time that was sparked by one of his books.
Re: It's my martial arts world - thatguy - 04-15-2010
Maybe KFM/TigerClaw needs to join the bandwagon and start doing humorous (?) video promos:
<!-- m --><a class="postlink" href="http://www.neatorama.com/2010/04/15/samurai-umbrella-3">http://www.neatorama.com/2010/04/15/samurai-umbrella-3</a><!-- m -->
--tg
And then things changed - Greg_phpbb3_import1 - 04-15-2010
So, I'm looking for a Plane for men to pull with their penises. How did I get to this point? When it gets weirder is when I find out I might actually have a Plane.
Grrrr - Greg_phpbb3_import1 - 04-17-2010
In case there is any doubt, let me make it plain: I hate DM and his Martial Arts World. Explanation is coming.
Re: It's my martial arts world - thatguy - 04-19-2010
[youtube]eZkLtvZXEsQ[/youtube]
--tg
My Daoist Weekend - Greg_phpbb3_import1 - 04-20-2010
And then this happened:
I guess it’s the vogue, now that I am doing my own martial arts project, that I’m out in the yard trying to kick my own footballs, while Lucy sits warmly inside, thinking her job well done. But no. Lucy has to keep her hand in. She has to know that she has subjugated Charlie Brown completely.
To that end, she brought me the Chinese Daoist delegation of Qingcheng Mountain. Or rather I went willingly into their arms much like the proverbial babe in the woods. The reason for KFM’s interest was simple, the Daoists practiced a form of Daoist Kung Fu that hadn’t been seen in the United States. Here was an opportunity to meet and interview some of the grandest Daoist Abbots in China. The cost of meeting them in Tehachapi and Los Angeles was too great for the KFM crew. Why not just send the resident Los Angeles fall guy to do the interview. Now, the Daoist aspect of the interview intrigued me because I hoped to use the information I gleaned to help me with my current documentary project. This means I get to use the cliche Win-Win. I can do an interview, make some change and I get information for the documentary. How could I possibly lose?
Granted none of them speak any English. Granted, I know three words of Chinese. But there would be an interpreter on hand to facilitate our lengthy discussions. It got better when I learned they would be traveling around Los Angeles first before traveling the hundred and ten miles to Master Zhang’s property in Tehachapi. When I asked if I could tag along on the Los Angeles tour, I was informed they would be delighted to have me.
Through such simple steps is tragedy born.
Master Zhang was acting as the local representative for the Chinese Delegation. He currently resides in Dallas, Texas but originally lived in one of the Monasteries at Qingcheng. Basically there were four Abbots and three political appointees on the tour. Master Tang Qeng Cheng ran the Quincheng Monastery. Master Yang Ming Jiang headed He-Ming mountain monastery. Master Cheng Ming Chang was responsible for Green Ram Abbey in Chengdu. And the woman Abbess, Master Tang Yang ran the GaoFeng Temple in Pengxi County Xichuan.
The plan was for me to meet up with the group on Saturday. They had rented a van and we would use it to tour the sites. One of their destinations would be the “footsteps place in Hollywood” and then they wanted to go to one of the beaches. Beyond that, I didn’t know where the day would take us.
Originally, they wanted to meet at nine but changed it to eight so I could help get the van. I arrived promptly at eight and rang my interpreter, Qinghia Zhang. Qinghai had flown down from his job at Berkeley Labs to help out Master Zhang, his teacher. He was nervous about the day because he hadn’t done any interpreting before. I kept to myself that my experience in this field was limited, as well.
The plan for me to drive them to get the car was never explicitly stated but I had an inkling that is what they needed when they changed the start time. It was made implicit when they told me it was time to go get the car. Their hotel was a block from LAX. For some reason, they had rented their van at the Burbank Airport. What? Yes, they wanted me to drive them the thirty miles to Burbank to get their van and then come back to the hotel so we could get the rest of the group. At that point, our tour of Los Angeles would begin. I figured this was a bad plan. I figured there had to be a Budget rental place closer than Burbank.
As a matter of fact there was a Budget dealer much closer. It was behind the hotel they were currently staying in. I suggested before we traveled the thirty miles to Burbank, that we go to the really close car rental place. They, thankfully concurred. I think this was the last time they concurred for the day.
At the Budget Rental facility, they helped with the confusion. They said there wouldn’t be a problem renting the van there. The first hitch was the funds for the van had already been paid to Priceline for the van. Budget LAX would give us the van at the Budget Burbank price but Priceline had to agree to pay it to Budget LAX. After a few frantic calls to Master Zhang’s wife, we were told the money was to be paid on pick-up of the vehicle. Great. We’ll pay for it and pick it up here. We went through the usual rigamarole about insurance and who drives the van. It was eventually straightened out to everyone’s satisfaction. We could and would get the van here.
Too bad once we went through all the sign up and credit card delivery, the Budget Rep checked for the Van, he realized he didn’t have a van to give us. The plan was hatched to use two cars. One of which, if I agreed, would be mine. I was still in a giving mood, so I agreed to ferry half the delegation while Master Zhang rented a sedan and drove the other half. I would still be with the group hearing great insights about Daoism.
Not so much. My translator friend Qingcheng, was to drive with Master Zhang. That way if there was a problem, I could call Qingcheng and he could translate to Zhang. Sigh. Okay. I asked to take the people who had even a smidgen of English to go with me. There smidgen matched my smidgen. I could say Dong and Budong. They could say “Thank you”. I drove three abbots and the female politician in my car. Master Zhang took one abbot, the other two politicians and Qinghai. I was told not to drive crazy as Master Zhang was a very conservative driver. We loaded up and headed to Grauman’s Chinese theater at Hollywood and Highland.
I drove and listened as the chatter of Chinese filled the car. I would occasionally chime in with a budong when it seemed the conversation was directed at me. I tried to point out Charlie Chaplain’s old studio as we drove past, thinking that might be a name they recognized. I was mistaken.
Huge crowds filled the sidewalks in front of Grauman’s. Hollywood Boulevard had been blocked off as well as the forecourt of the Theater. It appeared as if they might be setting up for a premiere at the theater. This meant we couldn’t get up close and personal to the footprints and signatures.
Costumed figures prowled the sidewalk. The Costume Clad Characters take photographs with the tourists for tips. There were two Spiderman, the aforementioned Charlie Chaplain, Marilyn Monroe and even the plumbers from the Mario Brothers game. I warned my group that they posed for money and not to get roped in by them. They immediately corralled a big bosomed woman, who was dressed as Tinkerbell and Mr. T for a group photograph. I was the designated photographer for the group. Any time I took a picture, they handed me all of their cameras so they could get photographs as well. It’s no easy feat holding five cameras and taking photos. But I did get plenty of practice doing this job. The one shot I did not get on my camera, of course, was a picture of the Daoists with Tinkerbell and Mr. T. But everybody else did.
The next stop on our tour was a make-up shop. Our female politician decided that she would like to get some cosmetics. Fortunately, there was a Sephora shop. I thought there was nothing funnier than taking pictures of the Monks in the cosmetic shop, a place they had never been to before. Of course, the management of the store told me to stop taking pictures.
Next stop was to be the Beach. I voted for Santa Monica since it was basically down the street in the scheme of things. Master Zhang voted to go to Laguna Nigel, which was very far away. We went back and forth on which beach to go to.
Turns out we should have saved our breath on the beach debate. The politicians wanted to go shopping. The specifically want to go shopping at an outlet Mall they had heard of that had hundreds of discount shops. The closest Outlet Mall that I knew of was Ontario Mills in Ontario. But that was almost sixty miles away. It was like if you were in San Francisco and decided to go shopping in San Jose. The money we would save at the outlet mall would be less than the money it would cost to drive two cars full of people sixty miles. Plus we would travel through some of the worst traffic interchanges in Los Angeles to get there and that wouldn’t be fun. Couldn’t we find some place closer to get their gear? There were malls closer. There were malls on the way to the Beach as a matter of fact. Have you ever tried to push water uphill?
I caved. The politicians won, as they always do. We journeyed for over an hour to Ontario to the Ontario Mills outlet mall. The irony that I was driving a Chinese delegation to buy discount goods that were probably made in China was not lost on me. I worried that the group might be tiring. I shouldn’t have.They had plenty of time to nap on the drive to and from the mall.
Although one area of discomfort did arise for Abbot Yang Ming Jiang. He didn’t know why his seat was so warm. He didn’t realize I had heated seats and had activated them. Dao in action?
The mall was packed. Our fist order of business was food, then it would be on to the shopping. They wanted Chinese food or at best American Chinese Food. There was a Panda Express but the line was very long and they opted to have food from the Kenny Rogers Roaster next door. Yes, I did take plenty of pictures of the Daoists in their uniforms ordering their meal.
The plan was for the group to go off and shop while Zhang, Qinghai and I talked about a movie Zhang wanted me to make for him. He wanted me to go to China and film some excting sites. What exciting sites? I’ll never know.
The politician shoppers had a map but couldn’t make heads or tails of it. I decided it would be easiest if I just took them to the information booth and asked where the Wilson’s outlet store was located. Wilson’s was having a sale on pocket books and the politicians wanted them. Instead of talking films, we shopped for purses and leather jackets. Even the Abbots were buying carryalls. Again I was told not to film in the store. I begged and they let me continue. Come on, they’ve traveled thousands of miles just to shop in your store. We have to have some sort of record.
The group headed to the exit. We had traveled all this way for one store. At the exit though, the politicians decided they wanted to wander around for a little while longer. Should I have been glad that they were going to make the most of this trip by doing more shopping or angry that I would be cooling my heels while they did more shopping? The Abbots waited outside, too. It was a good time to grab a smoke, something they didn’t want filmed. I did get some nice profile shots of Abbot Yang Ming Jiang and Ming-Chang Chen. Master Zhang was accosted by a man that wanted to know if he could talk to him about his savior, Jesus Christ.
Finally, it was time to go to the beach. At this point, I made a hell of my own devising. When they said beach, all I could think of was getting the Abbots on the pier at Santa Monica near all the amusement attractions. Those would be fabulous photos. Zhang still advocated for Laguna, but since I had driven to Ontario Mills they were going to let me lead the way to the Beach. Santa Monica, here we come.
Under recipes for bad plans, there is a picture of the Santa Monica Pier parking lot on a Saturday evening. After several wrong turns down Pacific Coast Highway and an attempt to get into the short term parking lot, I finally found the line of cars for the long term lot. I glanced around and noticed huge crowds flooding the beach and the pier. I called to Qinghai to see if they were sure they wanted to get out here. At this point, we could still bail, drive through the parking lot and escape to another venture. After a short discussion, they said sure they would like to stop. Okay. I was excited when I found a spot right next to the Beach.
This is when the first complication arose. Three of the abbots didn’t feel like getting out of the car. They would be happier waiting. I didn’t blame them. I’d had enough of me at this point. But Abbot Tang Qeng Ching was game for the beach. He wanted to see the Pacific Ocean close up from this side. I grabbed the camera and followed The tall man in the blue robes and odd hat caused quite a stir amid all the swimwear clad beach goers. I again was the camera mule when we took pictures at the Lifeguard shack. I tried to get them to walk the board walk, but the group decided it was time to head back to the cars and go to dinner.
I figured we had been at the beach for maybe fifteen minutes tops. From the time I got back to the car until the time we drove out of the parking lot an hour passed. I backed the car up made the turn for the exit and waited. And waited. And waited. Ten minutes would transpire and we would barely move a car length. I could see cars closer to the exit moving a bit more briskly. But where I sat and stewed was complete gridlock. Eight lines of cars all funneled towards one line. More cars appeared all the time to increase the clog. I thought I was going to end my life in the parking lot. I was tempted to park the car and just go take pictures of the sunset.
Eventually we made it to PF Changs for dinner. The delegation again wanted something that approached food they were used to eating. They also had given up on drinking american tea, citing it’s horrible taste, and settled for glasses of hot water.
I did finally manage to bring the conversation around to martial arts and the role Daoism played in Kung Fu. I was told it was very ease to identify a Shaolin practioner. They had a lot of surface cues that showed they did Kung Fu. Where as a Daoist martial artist looks like everybody else. They said the Shaolin guys start from the Yang and the Daoist start with the Yin. Eventually both groups move to a balance. Of course, Master Zhang had to give a demonstration. Of course, he had to give it to me. Basically, he pulled my arm behind my head and bent me backwards. And to finish, to show how holistic the Daoist train, he gave me an air kiss. Fun. The patrons at the other tables were wide eyed at this display. I’m sure we were quite the hit at the Manhattan Beach P.F. Changs.
Saturday ended with me exhausted. The plan for Sunday was for me to meet the group in Tehachapi, 120 miles north of Los Angeles. I think they wanted me to help drive them up there, but I had enough of sitting with a group to who I couldn’t communicate. We planned to meet up at 9:30.
Addresses in that section of Tehachapi are suggestions at best. I only knew I was in the right neighborhood because the street name was on one of the mailboxes. I figured my best option was to wait by the side of the main road until the delegation arrived. I only had to wait 70 minutes which left me just a few minutes beyond the point I figured I should switch to worry mode. I treaded towards the idea that miscommunication had given me the wrong address for Master Zhang’s property. But the two cars eventually crested the hill and we drove up to Zhang’s land. He had a tenant in a trailer on the plot. The tenant seemed a little startled to see all these Chinese gentleman on his land. We took some time to take a few snaps. I advocated for doing all our photographs now before the sun got to high in the sky and the colors started to wash out. Do you think the delegation followed this suggestion?
We headed to the Mountain Spirit center up the street. It’s a beautiful center complete with Temple, Meditation Center and ceremonial bell. I again pushed to take pictures now. I took some of Abbott Jiang with the temple as a backdrop. When I tried to do a quick group picture, Master Zhang said no and took them all into the Meditation center so Abbot Tang Qeng Ching could do a painting exhibition.
Since I wasn’t the second driver on this expedition, Qinghai had brought in his friend to drive and translate. I asked him too ask them which of the Abbots could do a martial arts demonstration. The new translator explained he didn’t think any of them did martial arts. What? My Daoist martial artists didn’t do any martial arts? Um, I was there to do an article on Daoist martial artists and it turns out nobody there fit that description. I had spent the last day and a half driving hundreds of miles in the belief that when I stopped there would be the reward of cool martial arts.
I lay there on the ground looking up at the sky. The ball had been pulled away again. I could hear Lucy chuckling maniacally in my mind.
I figured it was time for a walk. Maybe to my car. If I had cel phone reception, I would have called Lucy and told her of my plans to escape. Qinghai yelled excitedly for me to come into the meditation center. Master Tang Qeng Ching was going to do his painting demonstration.
What did this mean? Basically, for the next hour I watched a man paint. The only thing less fun that watching paint dry is actually watching it being applied. I tried to hold on to my last threads of professionalism and took a few pictures. I stopped after a few minutes because all the shots would have been of a man making black streaks on white paper surrounded by a group of adoring followers. One of things I discovered as they were making out the dedication of the new minted painting was our hosts were Korean. They didn’t speak Chinese either. They spoke more than I did but they got the same looks of confusion on their faces I do when I try to make a point.
At another break, in the excitement, I decided it was time to take a good long walk. Take some meditation time for myself before I did something rash. I grabbed my shoes and departed. I should have brought my camera, too as the surrounding hill sides were covered with copper rich rock that had this otherworldly green color to it. I walked for a long time.
As I looped back towards the meditation house, I was intercepted by Qinghai telling me that I was missing lunch. I told him how angry I was that there were no martial artists here for me to interview. He tried to soothe the waters but I was beyond that point. I had some rice and some weird crunchy vegetables for lunch. I took up position in the main hall behind the group that was already eating. I received some strange looks from our Korean hosts, who were unsure of my role in the days festivities. They wanted to talk about white people but were afraid of offending the only white person in attendance.
Later the host did take me aside to ask me my role. The host was also unsure of who exactly were his Chinese visitors. I did my best to explain.
After the meal, I was asked if I wanted to take any more pictures at the site. I just wanted the day over with, so I said no. We drove back to Zhang’s property.
One of the other tasks I had been ask to perform was the acquisition of a piece of wood to be used in a funeral ceremony the Abbots wanted to perform. It was to be held in memory of the victims of the latest earthquake in Sichuan.
This was another one of those games, the making of the stick. First, we need a piece of wood. Okay, I have wood. It’s got to be this long and this wide. No problem. It also has to be tapered. Fine. It has to be only a quarter of an inch thick. How about three quarters of an inch because that’s what I have in my garage. It has to be a quarter. I don’t have a quarter. It has to be a quarter. I’ll see what I can find in the short break I have after Saturday nights dinner and before I have to drive up here Sunday. It has to be yellow. I have cherry. It has to be yellow. Cherry. Yellow. I’ll see what I have. Could you make it so the board is cupped?
I did perk up at the mention of the ceremony because fancy robes were taken out. I shot the three minute long ceremony on the hillside behind the tenants house. I had to explain to the Abbots it would be better for the photography if they actually stood in the sunlight rather than in the shadow behind a boulder. I also filmed Master Zhang doing his sword form and Abbot Jiang doing, I guess, some internal forms. There was a lot of discussion from the politicians about what they would actually show. The politicians feel they had been ripped off before and shown in a bad light. They were out to protect their culture. Fine.I got a little.
At the end of two very long days, they finally decided to sit down for the interview. The politicians wanted the questions up front so they could ponder how best to answer them. The tenant then made it plain he didn’t want any of his belongings being shown. I had planned to film the interview for my notes. He freaked out a little when he saw the camera. He wanted me to know he had rights and he hadn’t signed any releases allowing me to film. Could this day get any weirder?
After much hemming and hawing the interview commenced. Initially, Politician Yang Bao Ming did all of the answering. When I turned the cameras on, he departed. Abbot Tang Qeng Cheng took over. It would have been really good if I spoke Chinese. Yes, much of the humor of these interactions would vanish, but in return I would get a lot better answer to my questions.
I ask the questions. Quinghai translates it. There is a furious discussion between the abbots and Master Zhang. Qinghai says something, maybe to get a clarification. More discussion. More clarification. Eventually, Qinghai says Daoism was founded 5000 years ago. That’s it? You talked for five minutes and I get one sentence?
I struggled on. I took what notes I could. I tried to come up with probing martial arts questions. I got answers that almost resolved my questions.
Finally, it was over. I loaded up my equipment and dragged myself to the car. We took one more group picture at the behest of the tenant. Again, I explained it would better if we took the picture in the light rather than the shade.
What did I learn? I love Master Tu. He doesn’t have the bullshit delivery system that I saw employed over the weekend. He has mad skills and can back them up with demonstrations. Master Zhang offered me a deal to make a movie with him. I considered it. He promised me trips to China and Tibet to see wonderful places. The long drive home cleared my head and let me see that wasn’t going to happen. I’m sticking with the Tu project. As for Lucy? I’ll probably go out to the yard again. It’s in my nature. Stupid nature.
The one shot I did not get on my camera, of course... - Drunk Monk - 04-20-2010
![[Image: charlie-brown-football-sexy-babe-grass-d...595593.jpg]](http://www.motifake.com/image/demotivational-poster/0912/charlie-brown-football-sexy-babe-grass-demotivational-poster-1261595593.jpg)
Re: It's my martial arts world - Greg_phpbb3_import1 - 04-20-2010
How long have you been waiting to post that pic? My Lucy should be a tenth that attractive as opposed to the reality.
Jet Li Day - Greg_phpbb3_import1 - 04-26-2010
I figured there would be some big mention about Jet Li's birthday today. I guess you just don't care about Jet no more. Did you see the Expendables trailer and it left a bad taste in your mouth?
Re: It's my martial arts world - thatguy - 04-27-2010
Martial Arts + Photography = ?
http://www.engadget.com/2010/04/27/canon-brings-out-jackie-chan-branded-rebel-t2i-550d-for-chines
--tg
Re: It's my martial arts world - thatguy - 04-28-2010
![[Image: screen-shot-2010-04-11-at-3-52-27-pm.png]](http://missionmission.files.wordpress.com/2010/04/screen-shot-2010-04-11-at-3-52-27-pm.png)
--tg
Re: It's my martial arts world - Greg_phpbb3_import1 - 04-28-2010
Wasn't Jesus the original Ninja? He could walk on water. You can't get more Ninja than that.
Yes, I'm burning in hell. We won't even start on the Jesus was the first Zombie rant.
Shaolin Trek - Drunk Monk - 04-30-2010
Another one for the 'why didn't I think of this scam?' list:
http://www.shaolin.com.au/TempleLevels.html
Re: It's my martial arts world - King Bob - 04-30-2010
That's one of the ugliest sites I've ever seen. And couldn't they find some women who owned black shoes?